IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think everyone should be a vegetarian because we do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some argue that a meat-free
diet
Use synonyms
 is sufficient for good health and
therefore
Linking Words
everyone
Use synonyms
 should adopt vegetarianism.
While
Linking Words
 I accept the idea that
well-planned
Add an article
a well-planned
show examples
 vegetarian
diet
Use synonyms
 can be healthy, I disagree that
everyone
Use synonyms
 should be forced to become a vegetarian.
Body paragraph 1
It is true that a balanced vegetarian
diet
Use synonyms
 can meet nutritional needs.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
show examples
 vegan eating structure is rich in dietary fibre and vitamins, which
associated
Verb problem
are associated
show examples
 with a lower risk of heart diseases and obesity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by combining with soy products, nuts and grains,
vegetarian
Check wording
vegetarians
show examples
 can obtain adequate protein without relying on animal products. Numerous studies have shown that vegetarians often have
lower
Add an article
a lower
show examples
 rate of chronic illness
and
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 meat-eaters, which
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 that
non-meat
Add an article
a non-meat
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 can offer essential nutrients theoretically.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, the statement that
everyone
Use synonyms
 should become
vegetarian
Add an article
a vegetarian
show examples
 is far
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 absolute. First of all, nutritional needs vary considerably between individuals. Pregnant women, young children, athletes and people suffering from anaemia may require iron and specific
vitamin
Check wording
vitamins
show examples
 or lipids found only in meat and fish, and
strict
Add an article
a strict
show examples
 vegan
diet
Use synonyms
 could pose health risks for these groups.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
diet
Use synonyms
 is a deeply personal choice shaped by culture, income and geography. For many communities, meat is the central part of traditional cuisine or the most accessible source of nutrients, and forcing
everyone
Use synonyms
 to abandon it would neither be realistic
or
Correct word choice
nor
show examples
 respectful of individual freedom.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 a well-planned vegetarian
diet
Use synonyms
 can certainly be healthy, I disagree that
everyone
Use synonyms
 should be required to become vegan. Depending on the diverse nutritional needs and personal circumstances of individuals, society should promote balanced eating and moderate meat reduction rather than impose universal vegetarianism.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same: a plant-based diet can be healthy, but it should not be for everyone. To make the answer stronger, explain one health point in more detail. For example, say how a person can get iron or vitamin B12 when they eat little or no meat.
Task response
Be careful with very strong claims. The idea that some vitamins or fats are found only in meat and fish is not fully true. Say that these may be harder to get, or may need careful food choices or added vitamins.
Task response
Use one real and clear example. For instance, you could describe a child, a pregnant woman, or a family in a cold or poor area where meat is an easy source of food. This would make your main point more real.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: opening, one point for, one point against, and ending. Keep this good plan. In the first main part, make the link between each food example and health even clearer.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences need small grammar changes so the meaning is smooth. Write: 'a well-planned vegetarian diet'; 'which is linked to'; 'vegetarians can obtain'; 'a lower rate of chronic illness than meat-eaters'; 'this supports the idea that'; and 'neither realistic nor respectful.'
Coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words throughout. You move between 'vegetarian', 'vegan', 'non-meat diet', and 'plant-based diet'. These are not exactly the same. Choose 'vegetarian diet' unless you mean no animal food at all.
Task response
You answer the full question and give a clear opinion. Both sides are discussed, but your own view is easy to see.
Task response
Your points are on topic: health, different needs, culture, money, place, and personal choice all help support your view.
Coherence and cohesion
Each main part has a clear main idea, and words such as 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'However', and 'Secondly' help the reader follow your ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly repeats your view and gives a sensible final idea: support healthy eating and less meat, rather than make one rule for all.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: