Some people say that those who are selfish and does not care about others are more likely to success at work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that in order to be successful, one must be selfish and should only think about himself.
This
essay completely disagrees that being
self-centered
Change the spelling
self-centred
show examples
will help a person succeed because
success
can be achieved through collaboration with others and hard work. Successful people often have associates that
helped
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
them get to the top. A person's knowledge is very limited. Most often a person only has one field of specialization.
That is
why they hire employees in order to consult about their decisions and ideas. Sharing experiences and knowledge contributes to the growth of individuals and companies.
For instance
, the Facebook
company
was created by
group
Add an article
a group
show examples
of friends, and now the most successful
company
in the world. Tesla
company
hired a group of engineers and scientists
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is why they were able to manufacture a driverless car.
Thus
,
this
proves that collaboration is needed for the growth and
success
of a
company
.
In addition
to that, hard work is one of the key elements to succeed in life. Hardworking people have a concrete plan
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
their goals. They persevere despite the challenges and consistently put an effort in order to achieve their goals. They continuously find ways to learn and improve themselves.
For example
, students who put
extra
Change preposition
in extra
show examples
hours studying are
likely
Correct quantifier usage
more likely
show examples
to graduate with
honors
Change the spelling
honours
show examples
than those who do not.
Hence
, hard work is a crucial component
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
success
. In conclusion, being self-centered can give temporary benefits to
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
.
Success
often involves a combination of multiple factors
such
as being able to collaborate with others and working hard.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a consistent and logical structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Consider using a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Expand your task response by exploring more nuanced viewpoints or counterarguments. This could involve acknowledging circumstances where being self-centered might contribute to success, then refuting these with stronger arguments or evidence. Such depth will enrich your essay.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, practice varying your sentence structures and using a wider variety of linking words. While your essay flows well, greater variety could make your writing more engaging and cohesive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • selfish
  • care about others
  • success at work
  • opposing view
  • arguments
  • supporting
  • against
  • balanced view
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