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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

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It is argued that few individuals believe
parents
Use synonyms
 are responsible for teaching their
children
Use synonyms
 to become good
members
Use synonyms
 of
society
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.
However
Linking Words
, others claim the
school
Use synonyms
 is the place to learn about
this
Linking Words
. I agree with the former point of view because
children
Use synonyms
's behaviour reflects that of their
parents
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
Children
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's behaviour reflects that of their
parents
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.
Parents
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 are the first teachers of their offerings and they watch and learn how their
parents
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 act.
For example
Linking Words
, if
parents
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 respect other people who live next door, and they speak politely and bow to elders
then
Linking Words
 their
children
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also
Linking Words
 learn to respect others and speak politely.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
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 are responsible
to teach
Change preposition
for teaching
show examples
 their
children
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 to be good
members
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 of
society
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 teach
children
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subject
Correct subject-verb agreement
subjects
show examples
 like social and moral education.
School
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 contains many subjects to teach
children
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 that include social and moral education, and have some social activities. But
however
Linking Words
, having these subjects and social activities doesn’t make
children
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 good
members
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 of
society
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, if they lack social norms and values. So,
School
Use synonyms
 is a place to explore student
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
abilities and it leads them to become successful
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in future but being
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 doesn’t make good
members
Use synonyms
 of
society
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. In Conclusion,
parents
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 are responsible for teaching their offerings to become good
members
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 of
society
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, because they are the first teachers to their
children
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 so they should teach them social norms and values, respect and speak politely with others.
Then
Linking Words
 their
children
Use synonyms
 will become good
members
Use synonyms
 of
society
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Begin by addressing the task more explicitly in your introduction. Clearly state your thesis and outline the main points that will be discussed. This sets a strong foundation for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. Also, ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea to the reader.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more specific examples and details. For instance, when mentioning the role of parents or schools in shaping children, include real-life examples or studies that highlight their impact.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of repetition in your essay. Avoid using the same phrases or ideas multiple times. Instead, try to introduce new information or perspectives in each paragraph to keep the reader engaged.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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