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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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A group of individuals present the view that any type of
crime
Use synonyms
 should have a fixed penalty,
whereas
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 others believe that the conditions of criminals and the motive for committing
crime
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 should be considered for making decisions on punishment. I strongly agree with the former opinion and my reasons for that will be presented in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, some
people
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 reasonably argue that unnoticed crimes can pose a threat to the security of
society
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. Once an offender escapes from being punished they may be encouraged to commit more crimes.
Consequently
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, the citizens of
society
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 are unable to live their lives peacefully. The situation is compounded by the fact that
people
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 find it difficult to discern criminals from ordinary individuals in the city.
As a result
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, the sense of trust can be seriously damaged and
this
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 causes major problems for city residents.
In other words
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,
people
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 fail to engage in social activities, attend their workplaces or even go on holiday.
Therefore
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, a large part of the community will suffer from the consequences of not punishing offenders.
On the other hand
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, another group of
people
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 claim that effective environmental factors for committing crimes and the criminals’ incentives should always be addressed before a decision is made on their punishment. They insist that a range of reasons
such
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 as financial issues, family problems, and so on are the causes of turning to
crime
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.
However
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,
this
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 argument does not convince me because the offenders are responsible for their violent acts. They should be discouraged from committing any form of
crime
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 so that
society
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 remains safe and secure. In conclusion, in my view, punishments can act as a deterrent and prevent the spread of violence in the community.
Moreover
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, appropriate penalties make
society
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 safe and secure.

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Task Achievement
Develop each paragraph fully by adding more detailed examples to support your main points. Although you discuss both views, more specific examples would strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve your essay by varying your sentence structures more. This will make your writing more interesting to read and can help improve the coherence of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using a variety of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay and make your arguments more cohesive.
Task Achievement
It's important to elaborate on your reasons for agreeing with a particular viewpoint. Clarifying your stance with more depth will enhance your essay's task achievement significantly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fixed punishments
  • consistency
  • predictability
  • deter crime
  • potential offenders
  • streamline
  • judicial process
  • bias
  • corruption
  • complexity
  • human behavior
  • circumstances
  • justice system
  • intent
  • remorse
  • socio-economic background
  • rehabilitate offenders
  • recidivism rates
  • flexible punishment systems
  • inconsistencies
  • perceived injustices
  • public trust
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