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Band 4

Working from home is better than office. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#home #office
Some
people
 argue that working from home is more beneficial than in an office.
This
 essay completely agrees with
this
 statement because it offers more flexibility and can provide
people
financial
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with financial
show examples
 stability. Remote work has been increasing in today's world and it offers more flexibility to employees and companies.
This
 set-up gave more time to
people
. The time allotted by employees for commuting can now be used in preparing their children for school, or
this
 extra time can be used in cooking or exercising.
For instance
, during the COVID-19
pandemic
Add a comma
pandemic,
show examples
 most
people
 worked from home and parents were able to help their children with their homework and prepare meals for them
as a result
 it enhanced the bond
of
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between
show examples
 parents and their children.
This
 proves the benefits of working from home.
In addition
 to that, it
also
 helps the workers and
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 can help them achieve their financial goals. The employee no longer
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to spend money for gas or commuting. Companies will be able to save resources too because they will not be renting an office
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and pay
other
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for other
show examples
 utilities
such
 as electricity and water. Those expenses tend to go higher depending on the size of the
comapany
Correct your spelling
company
.
For instance
, most online businesses grew in the Philippines because they are not renting an office, they only use the internet in their house and
as a result
, they were able to generate more income. In conclusion, remote work gives significant benefits to individuals and companies. It provides them
more
Change preposition
with more
show examples
 flexibility and
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them become financially stable.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more fully with supporting examples or explanations for each argument. Aim to have at least one clear example per body paragraph.
task achievement
Respond to all parts of the task more effectively by directly addressing how these benefits compare to working in an office. Include a more nuanced evaluation or comparison to strengthen your argument.
grammar
Check for and correct grammatical errors and typos to improve clarity and professionalism of your essay. Aim for accurate and varied sentence structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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