IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people say it is acceptable to use animals for our benefit, others say it is wrong to exploit them. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #animals #benefit #points
Some people have an opinion that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
the explotation
show examples
explotation
Correct your spelling
exploitation
 of
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 is bad,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others, don’t agree with
this
. The first group of people, who don’t support
exploitation
Correct article usage
the exploitation
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 think that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 all
animals
 should have the same rights as humans. I think, their arguments are to stop
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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this
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
animals
 are living things and they haven’t
be
Wrong verb form
been
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 killed by other living things.
Also
, folk from
this
 group can be
vegetarian
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetarians
show examples
.
Hence
, they think that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 killing
animals
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to disappear. So vegetarians refuse
meat
, eggs and other food that contain
animals
. As for
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 group. They
conversely
 argue with them, so it means, that they agree that killing and exploiting
animals
 is normal and even can be good. Maybe, they have an opinion, that life is much better and easier with it and
animals
 so useful in our nowadays life. What about
meat
, all types of
meat
 have a lot of helpful vitamins, protein and
huge
Add an article
a huge
the huge
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 amount of different nutrients.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 two opinions are so different and have their advantages and disadvantages. I like the idea that
exploitation
Correct article usage
the exploitation
show examples
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
animals
 is terrible, but I cannot live without
meat
 and other things
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made of
animals
.
Submitted by balnur_amantay on

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Ensure you have a clear introduction that introduces the topic and your discussion points. It helps to outline what you will discuss.','type':'structural
coherence
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and use a range of linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly.
content
Give specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
grammar
Carefully proofread your essay to correct grammar mistakes and improve sentence structure. This will make your argument stronger and your essay easier to understand.
balance
Consider both sides of the argument fully before giving your opinion. This will make your essay more balanced and reasoned.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Exploit
  • Welfare
  • Ethical considerations
  • Cruelty-free
  • Bioethics
  • Conservation
  • Sustainable practices
  • Humane treatment
  • Animal rights
  • Biodiversity
  • Genetic modification
  • Inhumane
  • Companionship
  • Domestication
  • Endangered species
What to do next:
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