IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

n some places, old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
It is true that whether the old or the young is more essential varies in different parts of the world. The writer personally
lean
Change the verb form
leans
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himself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in
Change preposition
toward
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priotirizing
Correct your spelling
prioritizing
 the seniors as they have
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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sacrificed their young age for the country’s development.
Body paragraph 1
There are several reasons accounting for why old age is regarded as more important.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
this
Linking Words
 group
have been
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 devoted
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
itself
show examples
 to forming the economic national foundation which is always ready to
boosted
Add a missing verb
be boosted
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 by the next generation.
This
Linking Words
 is why they should be respected by the whole society and
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
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 to receive public badges
such
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 as reduced cost of
electric
Replace the word
electricity
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 or water.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, in some countries, the government
have been
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 operated a special programme for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior
Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
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 like paying them substantial
retired
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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 and better healthcare.
This
Linking Words
 wage actually
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from the tax that they have to
pat
Correct your spelling
pay
show examples
 every month and now they can receive with a little interest. The young
consequently
Linking Words
 have to work harder to earn more money that
compensate
Change the verb form
compensates
show examples
 for their parents’ interest salary.
Moreover
Linking Words
, given the worse healthcare, the
later-generation-employees
Correct your spelling
later-generation employees
show examples
 can not ensure
such
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 things.
Perhapsly
Correct your spelling
Perhaps
this
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 the factor contributing
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 why
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
you
is
Change the verb form
are
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 considered more primary in other parts.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would lean
myself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on the older generation for what they have done during their time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working and the young have the responsibility of leading the country’s development.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and cohesive devices to link ideas together effectively.
task achievement
Try to include a more balanced discussion of both views before presenting your own opinion. Make sure to develop each point with clear reasons and relevant examples.
General
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and spelling to enhance the clarity of your writing. Proofreading your essay can help minimize errors.
Introduction and Conclusion
To improve the introduction and conclusion, clearly state the topic, summarize both views, and clearly express your own opinion. In the conclusion, restate your opinion with a brief summary of the main points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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