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Band 5

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more imporant. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#places #age #cultures #youth #imporant
In
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
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recent times, the elderly
people
 have
many
Add a missing verb
had many
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 significant effects on our society,
whereas
 the young are much more essential for our lives
that
Correct word choice
than
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 many thoughts believe so.
This
 writer totally argues that the talent of youths is quite more beneficial than in the old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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. There is a host of compelling reasons why adolescents are more prioritized. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers now seem to be gifted
people
 with the
abilities
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ability
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of meeting
Replace the preposition
to meet
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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harsh demands or high living
standard
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standards
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.
Moreover
, utilizing these
abilities
 in teenagers will help them have the capability of creating a new
world
 with the latest technologies and their talents.
Consequently
, the talent of
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 is undoubtedly necessary to keep up with the trend of
developing
Correct article usage
the developing
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world
 these days.
By contrast
, those in old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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 have sufficient knowledge and experience to stabilize the
world
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world's
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 developing process.
Furthermore
, they are quite experienced
to avoid
Change preposition
in avoiding
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 unintentional risks to maintain the most effective results.
However
, without
the
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apply
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creativity and sharpness in working, elderly
people
 have fewer
abilities
 to make a noticeable difference which is appropriate for
the
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apply
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modern society.
Additionally
, our
world
 requires new generations because of their endless talents and
abilities
 which
do
Verb problem
are
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 not
have
Wrong verb form
had
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in
Change preposition
by
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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elderly
people
 in
this
 day and age.
Take
Wrong verb form
Taking
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 everything into account, the youths play a more pivotal role in assisting and recreating our wonderful
world
 out of our
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
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 and
intention
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intentions
show examples
 than in old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
Accordingly
, the demands now are quite
higher
Correct word choice
high
show examples
 and these lead to the necessary efforts in all generations with no exception.
Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on

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Task Achievement
Improve the clarity and structure of your introduction. Clearly state both views and your own opinion to provide a roadmap for your essay.
Task Achievement
Enhance your essay by integrating more specific examples and details to support your arguments. This makes your points more convincing and solid.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the organization and flow of your essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas within paragraphs are logically connected.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to improve the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs, making your essay easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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