Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a [huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?
In the contemporary era, online platforms have become a central source of understanding for people globally.
However
, there are concerns that social applications, such
as Facebook, may have detrimental effects on both individuals and society. While
I acknowledge some negative aspects, I also
believe that these websites can foster human development.
On the one hand, a large number of critics argue that online app users are more vulnerable to online crimes. According to
recent statistics, the crime rate in Indonesia has surged by 70%, largely due to
online scams. For instance
, numerous scammers exploit social media to steal financial information, which leads to significant financial losses for individuals. Therefore
, it might be prudent to limit the use of such
a public network to mitigate completely these risks.
On the other hand
, social networking sites play a crucial role in enhancing human cognitive abilities. These floors provide opportunities to expand one's knowledge and improve communication skills. For example
, users can learn effective communication techniques, which not only generate new ideas but also
boost their confidence to engage in societal discussions. Hence
, it is essential to recognize the positive contributions of technology in improving fundamental knowledge and skills.
In conclusion, the debate on the impact of social networking sites encompasses both negative and positive perspectives. Meanwhile, there are valid concerns about online crime, it is equally important to acknowledge the cognitive benefits these platforms offer. In my view, the potential for human development through the online web is significant and should not be overlooked.Submitted by soniandriawan1992 on
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coherence cohesion
Your argument is well-structured and presents a range of perspectives. However, to achieve a higher score, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, with clear transitional phrases. Also, provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your claims.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt effectively and provided balanced arguments. To improve further, make sure all points are supported by specific details and examples. Additionally, ensure that your conclusion summarizes the key points more succinctly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
Your use of statistical data and specific examples adds credibility to your arguments.