Some people say industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, while some believe it should be stopped due to environmental problem it creates. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Industrialisation
is proven to be critical in addressing socio-economic Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
however
, the environmental impact of it has sparked a debate with some arguing that it should be fully stopped Linking Words
while
others argued that it is necessary in order to continue alleviating Linking Words
poverty
. Use synonyms
While
there are merits to both sides of the argument, I firmly believe that the benefits of Linking Words
industrialisation
outweigh the costs.
First and foremost, Use synonyms
industrialisation
is shown to be the most effective tool for resolving Use synonyms
poverty
problems. Use synonyms
For example
, a newly built factory in sub-urban Jakarta managed to absorb 1 million workers Linking Words
that
were previously unemployed. Correct pronoun usage
who
While
some argue that Linking Words
poverty
is better handled with social security policies, Use synonyms
such
interventions are not sustainable and do not have the capacity to enrich all poor Linking Words
population
. Fix the agreement mistake
populations
For example
, the cash transfer program in Indonesia, accounting for 40% of the total government budget, can only help 5% of people living under the Linking Words
poverty
threshold Use synonyms
whereas
building factories can employ significantly more poor households.
Linking Words
However
, some believe that the benefits of Linking Words
poverty
reduction can not be fully justified Use synonyms
due to
the environmental destruction caused by industrial policy. Linking Words
For instance
, the massive adoption of industrial policy in the 1900s is responsible for global warming and climate change. Linking Words
Nonetheless
, nowadays, industrial policy is often Linking Words
coupled with
environmental Linking Words
consideration
to remove all Fix the agreement mistake
considerations
the
negative ecological effects Change the word
its
of
Change preposition
apply
it
. To illustrate, it is now compulsory for a coal factory to use Correct pronoun usage
apply
higher quality
air filters to remove all the excess Add a hyphen
higher-quality
pollutions
that it emits.
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
To conclude
, nature can be endangered Linking Words
due to
the act of Linking Words
industrialisation
. Use synonyms
However
, the positive sides of Linking Words
industrialisation
eclipse the disadvantages, causing a net positive effect Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
Lastly
, the negative effects can Linking Words
also
be reduced with certain measurements.Linking Words
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Task Response
Make sure your introduction directly addresses the question, clearly stating both views and your own stance. While your introduction touches on the key points, a more precise preview of the arguments to come can improve clarity.
Task Response
When developing paragraphs, ensure each one has a clear main idea supported by detailed examples or evidence. While your essay contains relevant examples, further detail or additional examples could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
For maximum coherence, use a variety of transition words and phrases to link your ideas both within and between paragraphs. While your essay demonstrates good usage, diversifying your transitional phrases can enhance readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Every main point you introduce should be followed by adequate explanation and evidence. It seems you've covered this well, but remember that deepening your analysis with more nuanced insights can add value to your argument.