Some people say industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, while some believe it should be stopped due to environmental problem it creates. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Industrialisation
is proven to be critical in addressing socio-economic problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
however
, the environmental impact of it has sparked a debate with some arguing that it should be fully stopped while
others argued that it is necessary in order to continue alleviating poverty
. While
there are merits to both sides of the argument, I firmly believe that the benefits of industrialisation
outweigh the costs.
First and foremost, industrialisation
is shown to be the most effective tool for resolving poverty
problems. For example
, a newly built factory in sub-urban Jakarta managed to absorb 1 million workers that
were previously unemployed. Correct pronoun usage
who
While
some argue that poverty
is better handled with social security policies, such
interventions are not sustainable and do not have the capacity to enrich all poor population
. Fix the agreement mistake
populations
For example
, the cash transfer program in Indonesia, accounting for 40% of the total government budget, can only help 5% of people living under the poverty
threshold whereas
building factories can employ significantly more poor households.
However
, some believe that the benefits of poverty
reduction can not be fully justified due to
the environmental destruction caused by industrial policy. For instance
, the massive adoption of industrial policy in the 1900s is responsible for global warming and climate change. Nonetheless
, nowadays, industrial policy is often coupled with
environmental consideration
to remove all Fix the agreement mistake
considerations
the
negative ecological effects Change the word
its
of
Change preposition
apply
it
. To illustrate, it is now compulsory for a coal factory to use Correct pronoun usage
apply
higher quality
air filters to remove all the excess Add a hyphen
higher-quality
pollutions
that it emits.
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
To conclude
, nature can be endangered due to
the act of industrialisation
. However
, the positive sides of industrialisation
eclipse the disadvantages, causing a net positive effect to
Change preposition
on
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
Lastly
, the negative effects can also
be reduced with certain measurements.Submitted by satimanb on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
Make sure your introduction directly addresses the question, clearly stating both views and your own stance. While your introduction touches on the key points, a more precise preview of the arguments to come can improve clarity.
Task Response
When developing paragraphs, ensure each one has a clear main idea supported by detailed examples or evidence. While your essay contains relevant examples, further detail or additional examples could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
For maximum coherence, use a variety of transition words and phrases to link your ideas both within and between paragraphs. While your essay demonstrates good usage, diversifying your transitional phrases can enhance readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Every main point you introduce should be followed by adequate explanation and evidence. It seems you've covered this well, but remember that deepening your analysis with more nuanced insights can add value to your argument.