IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and give any relevant example or experience you have to support your answer.

#people #cities #people’s #health #support
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It is widely recognized that people who live in big
cities
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 are bad for their
health
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. From my perspective, I agree
the
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that
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pollution
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 in big
cities
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 can significantly affect respiratory
health
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. First of all, the high level of
pollution
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 in big
cities
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 increases the risk of asthma and other lung disease.
For example
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, in Vietnam, Hanoi has the highest level of
pollution
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 meanwhile people who live here have to wear masks for almost a time when they go out. The fast-paced lifestyle in urban areas can lead to increased stress levels, contributing to mental
health
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 issues
such
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 as anxiety and depression.
However
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, big
cities
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also
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 offer better access to healthcare services and facilities, potentially improving
overall
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health
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 outcomes for their residents.
Also
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 of note is that noise
pollution
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 in densely populated areas can interfere with sleep patterns, leading to insomnia and other sleep disorders.
Thus
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 students and employment may change their active lifestyles.
However
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 Urban environments may encourage a more active lifestyle through walking or cycling, especially in
cities
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 with good infrastructure for pedestrians and cyclists. In conclusion,
while
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 there are justifications for living in big
cities
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 are many activities or many utilities , I would contend that the
pollution
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 or stress they bring are more effective
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Task Response
A more balanced approach in discussing both the negative and positive impacts of living in big cities would provide a more thorough essay. While the negative aspects are well covered, expanding on the positive aspects would strengthen the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introducing your main points in the introduction and summarizing them in the conclusion could help to improve the logical structure of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Utilizing more cohesive devices and transitional phrases can help in enhancing the flow of ideas and improving the coherence of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory health
  • asthma
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • mental health issues
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • obesity
  • noise pollution
  • insomnia
  • sleep disorders
  • healthcare services
  • active lifestyle
  • pedestrians
  • cyclists
  • infrastructure
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