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Band 4

Some people think that the parents of children who commit crimes should also receive a punishment

#people #parents #children #crimes #punishment
It is often said that
parents
 should be punished when their offspring commit crimes.
this
 writer agrees with
this
 statement because those offspring imitate the behavior and actions of their parent and their
parents
 might be responsible and take care carefully. It must be understood that children are like clones of their
parents
. they had learned anything from their
parents
's activity since they were born.
Furthermore
, that method is maintained until they are major enough to move to kindergarten or other environments. A large amount of offspring, 's language is original for their
parents
, and it can clearly point out
this
 viewpoint. Another point to take into consideration is the responsibility of their
parents
 when the fine makes them really anxious, they will take care of their offspring more carefully and be aware of them in a better way.
In addition
, that solution can increase their relationship, a child is happier and avoids committing.
Therefore
, the rate of crime should go down. In conclusion, punishing the
parents
 with their offspring, who commit, is an effective method to decrease the amount of crime. What's more, the gap between
parents
 and their offspring will be closer.

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Task Achievement
Introduction: Ensure clear presentation of your viewpoint. Develop a hook and thesis statement that define the essay's direction. Consider restructuring for a stronger impact.
Task Achievement
Main Body Paragraphs: Develop ideas fully. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by specific examples or reasons. Include real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios to strengthen arguments.
Task Achievement
Conclusion: Summarize the key points made in the essay more effectively. Reinforce your viewpoint without introducing new information. Make the conclusion memorable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure: Organize your essay into clear paragraphs – introduction, body, and conclusion. Use connectors and topic sentences to make the flow of ideas smoother.
Coherence and Cohesion
Cohesion: Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. Avoid overuse or incorrect use of connectors.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarity and Precision: Use clear and precise language. Vague statements can weaken your argument. Aim for specificity in examples and explanations.
General
Grammar and Vocabulary: Proofread to correct grammar mistakes and typos. Expand your lexical resource to express ideas more accurately and avoid repetition.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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