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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others think that there are more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate on whether scientific
research
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 should focus on solving global
health
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problems
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, or spend the budget on other important
issues
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. As I believe the ultimate goal of scientific
research
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 is to provide enhancements to human welfare, I think solving both world
health
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 and other
issues
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are
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is
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 equally as important, and neither of which should be prioritized over the other. On the one hand, solving world
health
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problems
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 is crucial to our existence as a species. In the past, there
are
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were
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 many diseases that
affects
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affected
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 hundreds of millions of people, namely the plague or
the
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apply
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smallpox, the latter of which has been entirely eradicated
while
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 very few people catch the plague nowadays, thanks to the extensive
research
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 into developing vaccines and preventative measures. Focusing on addressing global
health
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issues
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 can provide a boost to finding a cure
many
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for many
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 critical diseases,
such
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 as cancer, diabetes or malaria, which in turn can save countless lives. One prime case in point is the disease COVID-19 which has greatly disrupted everyone globally because of lockdowns, to developing a vaccine two years later and everything is now back to normal.
On the other hand
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, putting an emphasis on solving world
health
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issues
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 can lead to neglection of other
problems
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 that are as equally as important. Regarding environmental
problems
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, if these are not put into proper
considerations
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consideration
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, they can
also
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 pose a threat to our physical and mental well-being. If more scientific
research
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are
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is
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 carried out to find solutions to pollution, global warming or loss of diversity, there could possibly be fewer people at risk of contracting diseases in the first place.
Additionally
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,
research
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 into economic
issues
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 could help the impoverished have better shelters to stay in and enjoy a better life. In conclusion,
while
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health
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problems
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 can pose a great threat to
the
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apply
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human's
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human
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health
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, other
issues
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 are not to be disregarded, as they too can greatly affect our daily lives. Governments should allocate budgets to prioritize carrying out
research
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 in an extensive field of
research
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 to ensure adequate treatment
to
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of
show examples
 all
problems
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.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear and consistent structure throughout. This involves not only having an introduction and conclusion but also making sure that each body paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded upon with examples or explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately but avoid overuse. Devices such as 'on the one hand', 'on the other hand', and 'in conclusion' are used effectively in your essay. However, ensure that these are not overused and that variety is present in your linking devices for a smoother flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
For Task Response, ensure that you address all parts of the task. It's good that you have discussed both views and provided your own opinion. To improve, make your opinion stand out more clearly by dedicating a specific paragraph to it or by making explicit references to it throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Enhance the specificity and relevance of your examples. While you have provided examples, make them more detailed and directly linked to the points you are making. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • quality of life
  • non-communicable diseases
  • equitable access
  • economic stability
  • social well-being
  • renewable energy
  • existential threats
  • artificial intelligence
  • space exploration
  • diagnostics
  • treatment planning
  • holistic approach
  • comprehensive development
  • sustainable
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