A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many nations around the world have been spending resources on
oil
search and its exploration as a source of
energy
and profit.
This
movement has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gone up worldwide after the increase in prices of petrol and its derivates. In my point of view,
however
,
this
action has many implications which are not worthwhile. Countries are searching for a way to enhance their economies through
energy
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
and one of the most popular and valuable ones is
oil
.
However
, it is known that
this
kind of natural resource
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
not renewable and its exploration demands high investments.
In addition
, a possible diplomatic crisis with other countries
due to
geographical
oil
localization can be faced.
Thus
, it would be better
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
show examples
resources on research to find another source of power. Considering the actual concerns with environmental problems, solar and wind power,
for instance
, are feasible in
this
scenario because they can be implemented
in
Change preposition
within
show examples
national boundaries. Aside from the territorial factor, the costs of maintenance and implementation of
structure
Add an article
the structure
a structure
show examples
are lower in comparison with
oil
extraction.
Hence
, these are reasonable motives to make a nation decide on clean
energy
supplies, rather than fossil fuel.
To conclude
, I deeply agree with the idea that renewable sources of power have to be prioritized by countries which are exploring new ways to profit and make
energy
. Because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, applying money and affording academic research on
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
of renewable
energy
is the best way
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
tackle the future issues caused by
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
of
oil
.
Submitted by carinabmurakami on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
For a higher Task Achievement score, include more specific examples and data to support your arguments. Illustrate your points with concrete instances or statistical evidence wherever possible.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to more effectively connect ideas and paragraphs. This will help the reader to better follow your argumentation and understand the relationships between your points.
Logical Structure
Consider reevaluating the structure of your essay to ensure a clear introduction of your thesis in the opening paragraph, well-developed body paragraphs with clear topic sentences, and a conclusive ending that reinforces your stance without introducing new information.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: