IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many nations around the world have been spending resources on
oil
Use synonyms
 search and its exploration as a source of
energy
Use synonyms
 and profit.
This
Linking Words
 movement has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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gone up worldwide after the increase in prices of petrol and its derivates. In my point of view,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 action has many implications which are not worthwhile. Countries are searching for a way to enhance their economies through
energy
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 and one of the most popular and valuable ones is
oil
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.
However
Linking Words
, it is known that
this
Linking Words
 kind of natural resource
in
Correct your spelling
is
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 not renewable and its exploration demands high investments.
In addition
Linking Words
, a possible diplomatic crisis with other countries
due to
Linking Words
 geographical
oil
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 localization can be faced.
Thus
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, it would be better
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
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 resources on research to find another source of power. Considering the actual concerns with environmental problems, solar and wind power,
for instance
Linking Words
, are feasible in
this
Linking Words
 scenario because they can be implemented
in
Change preposition
within
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 national boundaries. Aside from the territorial factor, the costs of maintenance and implementation of
structure
Add an article
the structure
a structure
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 are lower in comparison with
oil
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 extraction.
Hence
Linking Words
, these are reasonable motives to make a nation decide on clean
energy
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 supplies, rather than fossil fuel.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I deeply agree with the idea that renewable sources of power have to be prioritized by countries which are exploring new ways to profit and make
energy
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. Because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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, applying money and affording academic research on
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
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 of renewable
energy
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 is the best way
of
Change preposition
to
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 tackle the future issues caused by
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of
oil
Use synonyms
.

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Improvement Suggestions

3
Task Achievement

For a higher Task Achievement score, include more specific examples and data to support your arguments. Illustrate your points with concrete instances or statistical evidence wherever possible.

Coherence and Cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to more effectively connect ideas and paragraphs. This will help the reader to better follow your argumentation and understand the relationships between your points.

Logical Structure

Consider reevaluating the structure of your essay to ensure a clear introduction of your thesis in the opening paragraph, well-developed body paragraphs with clear topic sentences, and a conclusive ending that reinforces your stance without introducing new information.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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