IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that increasing price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #petrol #traffic #pollution
Vehicles
 are
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 part of our life. Some individuals said that by increasing
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of
fuel
Add a comma
fuel,
show examples
 we can reduce the problem of
pollution
 and
traffic
.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 some are not agreed to it. I agreed with the first opinion and I will discuss both statements in
further
 paragraphs. On the one hand, if we increase
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of petrol
then
 it will definitely
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 in reducing
pollution
 because
dur
Correct your spelling
due
 to
Correct article usage
the overcost
show examples
overcost
Correct your spelling
over cost
overcast
 of gas
people
 will hesitate to
use
vehicles
 for every single work as it affects their pocket which
also
 leads to less
traffic
 on
road
Correct article usage
the road
show examples
. A survey conducted in 2000 in India,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
states that 90%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 are using their motors for unnecessary work like if they have to go
one
Change preposition
from one
show examples
 street to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
.
Pollution
 is
also
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 problem for our country as
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
vehicles
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing day by day which creates
polllution
Correct your spelling
pollution
 and
that is
 harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. If fuel gets expensive
then
people
 reduce their
use
 of
vehicles
 by own which automatically
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to less
pollution
 in the environment.
On the other hand
,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of petrol is not only the solution to control
traffic
 and
pollution
. They can educate
people
 about how they can contribute to the environment by planting new trees to protect our environment and how they can replace gas
vehicles
 with bicycles like they can
use
 cycles for small chores of
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
. In my opinion, by doing expensive fuel we can decrease
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
 and
traffic
 to one extent. As we know
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
 see the price of things before
buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Submitted by Kamaljeetkaur6968 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Focus on more structured paragraphing with clear topic sentences that outline the paragraph's main idea. This helps in maintaining a logical flow throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Include a definitive introduction and conclusion that succinctly state your position and summarize your main points,
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more thoroughly with specific examples or data. This adds depth and persuasiveness to your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure your response thoroughly addresses all parts of the task, including explaining why you agree or disagree with the proposition.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas in more detail to fully explore the topic. Aim for a balance between discussing both sides of the argument and your own viewpoint.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay by providing concrete evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: