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Band 5.5

In some countries governments are encouraging industry and business to move out of large cities and go to regional areas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #governments #industry #business #move #cities #areas #outweigh
Nowadays, industry and
business
 have been
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encouraged
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 by part of the nations governments to establish their factories in regional
areas
instead
 of in large cities. I strongly believe that there are much more
benefits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 movement than drawbacks. Having a company in a metropolitan area could bring lots of
benefits
, especially because the infrastructure is better than in smaller
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, with more transport options to receive and dispatch goods
as well as
 a bigger range of specialized services and
also
 skilled labour. Even
tought
Correct your spelling
though
,
usually
Add a comma
usually,
show examples
 the general costs to keep a
business
 in large cities are higher and not worth it,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
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 the taxes and rents are normally more expensive.
On the other hand
, moving industries to regional
areas
 could benefit not just the local
population
, but
also
 the entrepreneurs,
due to
 the savings. A new
business
 in a town or small city may bring more opportunities for workers, with job offers the inhabitants do not need to move to
metropolies
Correct your spelling
metropolises
metropolis
 seeking for a greater
careers
Correct the article-noun agreement
career
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.
Furthermore
, almost all the biggest
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 in the world are heavily populated,
Correct word choice
and reorganize
show examples
reorganize
Wrong verb form
reorganising
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 the
population
 density
also
 brings advantages in the sense
to avoid
Change preposition
of avoiding
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 migration to already overcrowded
areas
.
In addition
, industries and
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 can lead to the development of a different region owing to the need
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 improvements that can
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 everyone,
such
 as government
investimento
Correct your spelling
investment
 in roads,
as well as
 new opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 small commerces to supply daily
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
, like restaurants and bakeries.
To sum up
, there are numerous
benefits
 in the
politice
Correct your spelling
politics
 that encourage companies to establish in regional
areas
, which outweigh the drawbacks. The advantages achieve the entrepreneurs, the local
population
 from towns
as well as
 the large cities.
Besides
, the government can plan better how to distribute the
population
.
Submitted by aiforeducation2023 on

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coherence cohesion
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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