Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the cases?Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, we all are dependent on technology,
children
are not far away from devices. Few children
are spending their quality time
each day on mobile phones
. A few decades ago,it was an uncommon scenario, as there had been enough free space and a good relationship between children
and their parents
. In this
essay, I will discuss this
statement from a negative viewpoint. Because,
it hampers Remove the comma
apply
children
's health both physical and mental and also
destruct
them from their bright futures.
Perhaps the most compelling reason why Verb problem
destroys
children
spend their time
on mobile phones
because
most of their Add a missing verb
is because
parents
are job-oriented and also
lack of playground. As their parents
do have not enough time
for their children
. As a result
, they become isolated and search for company
. At that Add an article
a company
the company
time
, Mobile phones
became a source of passing leisure period. Yet, they are making new friends online, playing video games, watching movies and so on, they
become addicted to these.Another point is thatCorrect word choice
and they
,
the rapid population is the reason for making a crowded country, leaving no free space.That's why,Remove the comma
apply
children
become confined to their closed rooms.So,they search their relaxation on mobile phones
.
However
,it has been proved that spending time
on a smartphone is detrimental to the
Correct article usage
apply
children
. Because it is destructive to their health and also
their future. Firstly
, they have no contact with nature and no facilities for exercise. These may ruin their physical fitness.In the hospitals, it is observed that more children
are suffering from obesity, diabetes, problems and so on.Secondly
, their mental health is in a risk zone.Their brains
activity becomes reduced and they feel more exhausted and frustrated. Change the noun form
brain
As a consequence
, our new generation is not full of beans.Finally
, they suffer from monotony and have a
poor academic performance which is alarming not only for themselves but Correct article usage
apply
also
for the whole nation.
In conclusion, this
essay states that using mobile phones
is harmful to children
. Because in their growing period, they have no chance to improve themselves. It is happening because their parents
are only busy at their workplace and the community is unable to provide them playground. This
may lead them to unhealthy lifestyles additionally
unsuccessful lives.Correct word choice
and additionally
Submitted by Aafuankazinatoshi on
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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure your essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps improve the essay's logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences to start each paragraph, clearly stating the main idea of the paragraph. Follow this with supporting sentences that develop or explain the idea.
task achievement
Aim to cover the task prompt fully. That means discussing both aspects of the question (why children spend hours on their smartphones and if it's a positive or negative development) equally.
task achievement
Support your ideas with relevant examples. These examples need not be real or statistical but should be plausible and directly related to your point.
task achievement
Work on crafting concise and clear ideas. Try to avoid overly complex sentences or ideas unless you can fully explain and support them within the scope of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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