IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#places #age #cultures #youth
There are some
people
argue
Correct pronoun usage
who argue
show examples
 that the persons who are old, are valued in some areas,
while
 in other traditional cultures the
people
, who are young, are considered more necessary and important. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and give my own opinion. Talking to the
elders
, we know that they are more valuable in some places and they are very calm and have lots of experiences in daily life because they have experienced many fields in life and dealt with some problems flexibly and smartly. In a specific situation there is a place where has an accident or injury
people
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 elder doctor can help to treat the injury at that moment.
However
, old
people
 don’t have strong health like they used to have in the past, so in some situations where we need a strong person to tackle
this
 problem, they can’t help.
Therefore
, the
elders
 can help
people
 in many places with their
knowledge
 but they don’t have enough strength to deal with something
needs
Correct pronoun usage
that needs
show examples
 stunning.
In contrast
 with
elders
, the younger ones have stronger but they have quite less experience,
knowledge
 and the ways they solve problems. Because of
this
, they can’t tackle the obstacles which need
a
Remove the article
knowledge
a piece of knowledge
show examples
knowledge
 to be solved.
Therefore
, the benefits of the younger are that they have good health and power so that they may do anything to treat their troubles. In my opinion, almost all the challenges in daily life or in some specific areas need good wellness so
people
 regularly choose the community who are young to easily deal with the issues in those corners and
then
 it becomes the traditional culture. In conclusion, both
elders
 and youngsters have especially different characteristics in two types of
knowledge
 and wellness.
However
, individuals need a person who is flexible and has strength, they usually choose the youthful person.

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coherence cohesion
It's crucial to ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. This includes using paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and using linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Try to clearly define your main points in the essay and support them with specific examples or reasons. This will make your argument more persuasive and understandable to the reader.
language use
Consider using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make your writing more engaging and to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
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