IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some places, old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both view and give your opinion

#places #age #cultures #youth
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In many areas,
seniors
Use synonyms
 are more valuable than the
youth
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,
whereas
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 there is opposition in different nations. I would contend that the
youth
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 is more essential,
while
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 others
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that older
people
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 are far more crucial. It must be acknowledged that young
people
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 are the main workforce in every field of society.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that they are more enthusiastic and creative than their older counterparts.
Moreover
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, the young population are passionate about their jobs and dedicated to getting promoted. Take Zita D'hauteville as an example, she is a manager at Google when she is just over 20
year-old
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years old
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.
Hence
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, as a main workforce,
youth
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 should be respected higher than
seniors
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. One of the most significant factors is that young
people
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 can adapt and solve most situations
as well as
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 they meet.
This
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 is because
youth
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 grow up in a digital era that always changes. It enables them to learn new methods and control their emotions to tackle issues.
As a result
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, older
people
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 cannot catch up with young
people
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 in dealing with problems. Take Facebook as an example, they have a team
Correct pronoun usage
that inlcude
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inlcude
Correct your spelling
includes
 most of
young
Add an article
the young
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staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 to solve consumers' problems. So, adapting to major situations is a benefit
of
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for
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 the young generation.
However
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, there are some arguments that
seniors
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 have more experience in work and life.
This
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 is still true, but they are likely to refuse to learn new ideas from young
people
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 because they think their younger counterparts do not have as many experiences as them.
Therefore
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,
seniors
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 should consider young
people
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 higher through communicating with them.
Thus
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, young employees are more important than their older counterparts to society. In order to get as many advantages as possible, organisations and governments should concentrate on the young generation and create more job opportunities for them.
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Task Achievement
Aim for a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that directly addresses the essay prompt. This helps set a stronger foundation for your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Increase the variety of transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This can enhance the overall readability and coherence of your essay.
Task Achievement
Work on developing more balanced arguments. When discussing both views, ensure that each view is explored with equal depth and consideration to fully meet the task's requirements.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be cautious with spelling and grammatical errors as they can distract from your argument. Proofreading your essay can help minimize these errors.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a more diverse range of sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency and keep the reader engaged.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
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