IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #time #malls #society
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Work
 performed: conducting classes, developing
work
 programs for courses, assignments for practical and
laboratory
work
, creating and developing a physics
laboratory
 from scratch, including designing
laboratory
 furniture and layouts and controlling their manufacture, research
work
 in the field of grain drying, simulation modeling and optimization of technological processes. Skills and achievements: candidate's exams were passed perfectly and a PhD thesis was defended on the topic "Optimization of the drying process of wheat grain in recirculating grain dryers of the RD and U2-UZB type based on simulation modeling", a physics
laboratory
 was created, computer
laboratory
work
 was created and implemented, copyright certificates for the developed software products were obtained.
Submitted by yarinka13 on

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Task Response
It seems there was a misunderstanding in your response. You provided a detailed list of professional achievements and tasks rather than an essay discussing the viewpoint on the impact of young people's presence in shopping malls on themselves and society. To improve, make sure you fully understand the given prompt and write an essay that addresses the specific topic requested.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your submission lacks the structure typical of an essay, such as an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve coherence and cohesion, organize your essay into paragraphs with a clear introduction that outlines your main points, body paragraphs that explore your arguments with supporting examples, and a conclusion that summarizes your stance.
Overall Improvement
To better respond to essay prompts in the future, begin by outlining your ideas on the given topic, drawing on relevant examples and experiences to support your points. This approach ensures your essay meets task requirements and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the subject.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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