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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this.

#company #time #work #manager
Hi Mr. Scrooge, I hope you're doing well. I wanted to let you know that I'll be taking some time off to renew my passport
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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 It'll take about
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
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 of days, including a visit to the passport office and waiting for the renewal.
While
 I'm away, I've thought about how to handle my work. I suggest Mrs. Johnson
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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 over my responsibilities since they're familiar with my work. I've talked to them, and they're willing to help. I can
also
 help with any information or instructions to make sure things go smoothly. I know my job is important, and I want to make sure everything runs well even when I'm not here. I'll do my best to keep things on track and will be available if there's anything critical. If
while
Correct word choice
apply
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I am not at
this
 building
my
Correct pronoun usage
I
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 must be provided with all
Correct article usage
the equipments
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equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 that I used before. Thanks for understanding and
attract
Wrong verb form
attracting
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an
Remove the article
apply
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attention. Let's talk more about it and figure out the details in your office. Best, JoXa
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Tone
It's important to maintain a more formal tone in a professional email. Avoid overly casual expressions and stick to more formal expressions such as 'I would like to request some time off' instead of 'I wanted to let you know that I'll be taking some time off'.
Introduction and Conclusion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and distinct. In professional writing, it's important to start with a clear statement of purpose and end with a concise summary or a courteous closing. The conclusion could be improved by directly requesting approval for the proposed plan.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use paragraphing effectively to organize your email. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or topic. In your case, consider separating the explanation for your absence, the plan for your responsibilities, and the conclusion into different paragraphs.
Supporting Main Points
Use specific examples or scenarios to support your plan. For instance, specify which tasks Mrs. Johnson will be handling or mention any specific instructions you have prepared for her. This strengthens your proposal and demonstrates thoughtful planning.
Clarity of Ideas
Clarify any ambiguous statements to ensure your message is understood. The line 'If while I am not at this building my must be provided with all equipments that I used before' is unclear. Make sure your requests or statements are clear and concise.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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