IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that modern design for schools and offices with more open spaces are necessary. Advantage and disadvantage.

#people #design #schools #offices #spaces #advantage
It has been widely accepted that the design and decoration
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 buildings play
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 role
attracting
Change preposition
in attracting
show examples
 people and
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
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sense
Add an article
a sense
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 of
content
Replace the word
contentment
show examples
 among them. In
this
regard
Add a comma
regard,
show examples
 some believe that
schools
 and workplaces should be designed with
latest
Change the article
the latest
show examples
 technology to provide spacious
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
. In
this
 essay , I will discuss why having modern
educational
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education
show examples
 and working place
present
Correct subject-verb agreement
presents
show examples
 better
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
while
,
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apply
show examples
 it can eventually be financially disadvantageous. On the one hand,
main
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the main
show examples
 benefit of having
spacious
Correct article usage
a spacious
show examples
 school or administrative office is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 more privacy to students and staff at any time.
For instance
, when a student or staff wants to allocate time for themselves to escape from
hustle
Correct article usage
the hustle
show examples
 and bustle created by
crowd
Add an article
the crowd
show examples
, they simply isolate themselves and try to concentrate for the rest of the day. Spacious places
makes
Change the verb form
make
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possible
Correct pronoun usage
it possible
show examples
 to incorporate various amenities into it,
such
 as
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
sport related
Correct your spelling
sports-related
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 amenities like table tennis or even smoking
room
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rooms
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 in
workplace
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the workplace
show examples
.
Overall
, it supplies
convenient
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convenience
show examples
along with
 comfort for users.
On the other hand
, building
schools
 or offices with vast
environment
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environments
show examples
 requires more budget and not all of them are capable of funding it. There has been
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 that in some
schools
, managers ask for monetary help from parents to develop some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 or offices which are being shared with
another companies
Replace the adjective
another company
other companies
show examples
due to
 lack of space.
Moreover
, if one invest significantly
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 them and incidentally
wanted
Wrong verb form
wants
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 to leave the place for the purpose of
greater
Add an article
the greater
a greater
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 good, they would not be able to do so easily as they cannot move facilities from there. All in all it
difficult
Add a missing verb
is difficult
show examples
 to afford the cost for different countries or companies. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I discussed the main
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of spacious workplaces or
schools
 which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
 and comfort
along with
 the prominent element of disadvantageous element which was
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In my point of view, spacious places in
long
Add an article
the long
show examples
 term can lead to better outcomes despite some monetary drawbacks.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Introduction
Ensure a clear and concise introduction that outlines the key points you will discuss. This helps to improve clarity from the beginning.
Coherence
While your essay presents a logical structure, try to make transitions between paragraphs smoother to enhance the flow of ideas.
Examples
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Grammar and Spelling
Be cautious of minor spelling and grammatical errors as they can affect the readability of your essay. Proofreading can greatly improve this.
Task Response
For a higher task achievement score, aim to address all parts of the prompt equally. Balance the discussion of advantages and disadvantages more evenly.
Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make effective use of linking phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs more seamlessly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaboration
  • hierarchical barriers
  • inclusive
  • space utilization
  • adaptability
  • transparency
  • mobility
  • concentration
  • productivity
  • visual distractions
  • privacy
  • sensitive matters
  • conducive
  • introverts
What to do next:
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