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Band 5.5

some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and homeless people. Do you agree or dis agree?

#people #government #care #dis
In
Change preposition
At
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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present, the number of
homesless
Correct your spelling
homeless
 and jobless individuals
is
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are
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 in a sharp upwards trend across the countries.
Therefore
, certain
people
 hold the view that related
government
 agencies should bear the responsibility to look after their citizens. I advocate the idea that furnishing their citizens with provisions in case of a need is among the
upmost
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utmost
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 priorities for the governments. First and foremost, capitalization brings about more and more
people
to lose
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losing
show examples
 their homes and jobs
due to
 the high competition. As we live on the edge of AI technology, robots have already commenced taking over
human's
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human
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 roles in certain areas
that
Correct word choice
and
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 automated and repetitive processes are plenty. I think, solely governments can prevent
this
 displacement from evolving into a
large scale
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large-scale
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wat
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war
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 between machines and humans.
Furthermore
, they should
place
 certain restrictions on companies to fire their employees without taking
a
Correct article usage
apply
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major action.
For example
, Lafarge Holcim in Azerbaijan ensures that they give two years of compensation
cheque
Fix the agreement mistake
cheques
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 for its employees because of company lay-offs. In alignment with the aforementioned efforts,
government
 agencies track down the identities of
people
 without jobs and homes to give them
a
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apply
show examples
shelter and
place
 the
people
 who need special care
to
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in
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 the nurseries.
Moreover
, in order to protect these
people
 who are economically
disadvantegous
Correct your spelling
disadvantageous
 and fall short on a
place
 to sleep
as well as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work to do, governments are obliged to construct ample homes and provide
subsidaries
Correct your spelling
subsidies
subsidiaries
 to help these
people
. To exemplify
this
 statement, the
government
 of Azerbaijan has provided a certain compensation amount to business owners and employees who
got
Verb problem
went
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bankrupted
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bankrupt
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as a result
 of the Covid pandemic. In conclusion, despite the reason for
failure
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the failure
show examples
 of these
people
 can be a mistake that they made
during
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apply
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somewhere in their life path,
government
 offices should be in
place
 to support their citizens with all the necessary resources.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is present in the introduction to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
To improve clarity, consider separating paragraphs more clearly and using topic sentences at the start of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structures more to display a wider range of grammatical skills.
task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument if the question asks for your opinion. Providing a counterargument before stating why your view is stronger adds depth to the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Review the use of articles and prepositions to minimize grammatical errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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