IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Which opinion do you agree with? Discuss both options and give examples

#people #pets #children #options
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Pets
 are common among all cultures. Many people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that it is good for
children
 but few of them think that it is not good for
children
. In my opinion, caring
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some animals
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 helpful for the kids in many ways like physically
as well as
 mentally. Mainly, it helps to prevent
children
 from loneliness. In
this
 modern world, parents are busier in their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and other activities. So,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
keeping
pets
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 helpful for
children
 to make their leisure time more fruitful by playing with
pets
instead
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
screen time. Meanwhile, it improves
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 caring
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and become more responsible automatically. Because
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 keep the environment and premises
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 very essential.
Besides
, if it
kept
Add a missing verb
is kept
show examples
 inside the home.
In contrast
, parents should always
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the unpredicted behaviour of
such
 animals. We know about the communicable disease transfer through animals and birds. Rabis by dogs and cats
as well as
 H1N1 by pigs and hens. Proper care like cutting nails, adequate vaccinations and cleaning
is very
Verb problem
are
show examples
 essential.
Otherwise
, it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings. In foreign countries, some
pets
 like
dog
Fix the agreement mistake
dogs
show examples
 and cats are kept inside the home. So, there is a chance for
fall
Correct article usage
the fall
show examples
 of their hair all around the rooms. If it is not
clean
Replace the word
cleaned
show examples
 adequately, it may lead to some skin issues, asthma and other health problems.
To conclude
,
care
Wrong verb form
caring
show examples
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
pets
 like a kid, elevate or prevent to an
extends
Replace the word
extent
show examples
 the negative aspect
regarding
Change preposition
of
show examples
 keeping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pets
.
Although
, the merits outweigh the demerits. It
brings
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a good impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
children
.
Submitted by fspt1234 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer structure in your essays. Start with a brief introduction that clearly states your position. Follow this with separate paragraphs for each main point, supported by examples. Finally, conclude your essay by summarizing your argument and restating your position.
task achievement
Improve your task achievement by ensuring you address all parts of the prompt comprehensively. This includes discussing both views and providing specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. Make sure to develop your ideas fully.
language
Enhance your writing by focusing on the accuracy and variety of your grammar and vocabulary. Avoid repetition and strive to use a wider range of expressions and grammatical structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • companion
  • responsibility
  • care
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • social skills
  • transmit
  • diseases
  • allergies
  • safety risks
  • time
  • effort
  • money
  • mature
  • handle
What to do next:
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