In some countries the unemployment is high, therefore some people think children should study only primary education and not secondary education because they cannot find jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It has been long understood that a higher
education
leads to a better job. However
, in recent years this
norm has been challenged as an increasingly high number of students graduating from secondary education
have had a hard time finding employment
, leading to many people
considering only providing their children with primary education
instead
of secondary education
.
Primary education
is helpful in laying a foundation of knowledge for children to build upon with more education
and experience, but it does not make them ready to enter the employment
market. Secondary education
, on the other
hand
builds critical thinking and helps Add the comma(s)
hand,
people
to speacilize
in one particular field, which leads to more job opportunities that pay higher as well Correct your spelling
specialize
specialise
along with
the advancement of scociety
as a whole.
Correct your spelling
society
Employment
Markets evolve with time and the demand for skilled labour increases over time. Secondary education
can help bridge the gap between the demand in the labour market and the current job of a person, provinding
them with a jumpstart as compared to Correct your spelling
providing
people
that
don't. The person who does not evolve with the market often gets left behind and is unemployable, increasing the unemployment levels. It is Correct pronoun usage
who
imperetive
that Correct your spelling
imperative
the
governments and institutions provide Correct article usage
apply
people
with pathways to improve their skills and get hired rather than blaming education
for the situation.
In conclusion, Secondary education
does not guarantee employment
but it does give people
the tools to excel and be ready when the
Correct article usage
apply
employment
opportunities do arise.Submitted by rjp.deep on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
To enhance your essay, ensure that your introduction more succinctly outlines your stance on the topic, reflecting on both sides of the argument before presenting your thesis. This sets a clear roadmap for the reader.
Task Achievement
Enhance clarity by avoiding ambiguous phrases and making strong, direct statements about your position. For example, instead of saying 'It has been long understood,' say 'Many believe that...' to clearly present views.
Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay demonstrates logical structure, you could improve it by ensuring there are clear, separate paragraphs for each main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Integrate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly. This can include contrastive conjunctions (however, on the other hand) and causal connectors (because, therefore) to enrich your essay's flow.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, incorporate more specific examples and real-life evidence. Mention studies, statistics, or country-specific scenarios that support your points. This makes your argument more persuasive and concrete.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.