IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

in some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. discuss both views and give your opinion

#places #age #cultures #youth
in some
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 old people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 important because of their life
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
.
However
, in some
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 youth
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 valued cause their ideal of
creative
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
 and
flexible
Replace the word
flexibility
show examples
.
This
 writer will discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
opinions. On the one hand,
look
Wrong verb form
looking
show examples
 into the old individuals it is evident that their number of experiment
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 higher than the others. It is evident that
which
Correct pronoun usage
whatever
show examples
 work they do always finish in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 short time
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 they know how to do it well.
However
, they do not have physical courage and their health
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 to be not really well
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can despite them from doing something that they want.
On the other hand
, looking at the young individuals, it is evident that their
well
Change the adverb
good
show examples
 point is the creativity and flexibility so they can have a lot of new and beautiful
ideals
Correct your spelling
ideas
show examples
 to finish their jobs.
However
, they do not have so much
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 so maybe it can take them a lot of time
finishing
Change the verb form
to finish
show examples
 their job.
Conclusion
Change preposition
In conclusion
show examples
 it can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young and old individuals in every country are all important.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, it's crucial to organize your essay more logically. Start by introducing the topic and stating your thesis clearly. Then, use separate paragraphs for each viewpoint, ensuring a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph. Transition words such as 'firstly', 'on the other hand', and 'finally' can help in making the progression of ideas smoother and more connected.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure you fully address all parts of the prompt. This includes discussing both views thoroughly and giving your own opinion clearly. Expand your discussion by including more detailed examples and explanations to support your points. Try to make your opinion distinct by dedicating a separate paragraph to it, clearly stating why you hold that opinion based on the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
What to do next:
Look at other essays: