IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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No
one
Use synonyms
 can deny the bad
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of eating
junk
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food
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 nowadays on both members and society.
While
Linking Words
 some people
argues
Change the verb form
argue
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 that the
government
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 should take
taxes
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 from fast
food
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shops
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 , others think
that is
Linking Words
 an important and cruel deed. In my opinion, I
am totally agree
Change the verb form
totally agree
show examples
 that the
government
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 should force
taxes
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 on
junk
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food
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. In the following lines, I will discuss both opinions. On the
one
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 hand, the
government
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 should require some
taxes
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 on fast
food
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.
One
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 main
reasons
Change to a singular noun
reason
show examples
 for doing
that is
Linking Words
 Paying
taxes
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 will increase the
price
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 of
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, people will not be encouraged to buy it because
Change preposition
of it’s
show examples
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
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 high
price
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.
For example
Linking Words
, If
some
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
one
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 wants to buy a KFS meal, it will cost double
of
Change preposition
apply
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it’s
Replace the word
its
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 real
price
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 after adding
taxes
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. Another reason is that the money
that is
Linking Words
 collected from unhealthy
food
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shops
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 can be used for preparing healthy meals for students in schools.
That’s
Unnecessary verb
That
show examples
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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 that the
government
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 will use
this
Linking Words
 money for other essential projects that can help both
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and society.
For instance
Linking Words
, Schools will
given
Change the verb form
give
be given
show examples
 money to buy some fruits and give them to students during the school day.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Heavy
taxes
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 on unhealthy
food
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 will lead to some problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
, It is
un fair
Correct your spelling
unfair
show examples
 to force
junk
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food
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shops
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 to pay fat
tax
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 because they have many duties towards the place they work in and the workers at the same time. To indicate
this
Linking Words
 point, taking
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tax
Correct article usage
a tax
show examples
 will increase unemployment number and will lead owners to close their
shops
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Many
Fix capitalization
many
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 workers can’t cook by themselves and they need to buy meals
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 reasonable
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, It is
un fair
Correct your spelling
unfair
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fir
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 customers to cost the
tax
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 . In conclusion, It is better to force
reasonable
Add an article
a reasonable
show examples
tax
Use synonyms
 on
junk
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food
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 in order to encourage people to replace it with healthy
food
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. I strongly
recommended
Wrong verb form
recommend
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this
Linking Words
 attitude as
cope
Change the verb form
coping
show examples
 with saving other alternative solutions for daily
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Enhance overall coherence by more clearly structuring your essay. Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more detailed introduction and conclusion. Ensure your opinion is clearly stated in the introduction and reinforced in the conclusion for better task achievement.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples and explanations. Including more relevant examples and explaining how they support your view will strengthen your argument and improve task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar issues, such as the correct use of articles and prepositions, as well as avoiding repetition of words and ideas. This will enhance the clarity of your ideas and improve both coherence and task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Government intervention
  • Taxation
  • Public health outcomes
  • Revenue
  • Reinvested
  • Health education programs
  • Level the playing field
  • Regressive
  • Low-income individuals
  • Governmental overreach
  • Infringing
  • Personal freedom
  • Education about healthy eating
  • Subsidizing
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