IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#schools #time #subjects #history #people #skills #students #job
Some people believe that spending a significant amount of time teaching academic
subjects
such
 as
history
 is beneficial,
while
 others think that
schools
 should focus on teaching practical
skills
 to prepare
students
 for future employment. I do believe that a balanced mix between the two opinions
integers
Fix the agreement mistake
integer
show examples
 academic
subjects
 and practical
skills
 can lead to comprehensive education.
It is clear that
 teaching academic
subjects
 in
schools
 is very essential for both
students
 and society .
In addition
,
to
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
provide
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
students
 with necessary information for all
subjects
 like Math,English, Physics, Biology and
history
,It
also
broaden
Change the verb form
broadens
show examples
 the horizons of the
students
.
Furthermore
, studying
subjects
 like
History
 can give
students
 a deep understanding of the origins and development of various countries and the progression of humanity throughout
history
.
Additionally
, certain professions,
such
 as medicine, require specific qualifications or degrees. It is not only important for
students
 to learn traditional
subjects
, but
also
 for the betterment of society, as
schools
 play a crucial role in preparing
students
 to be valuable contributors to their communities and nations
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
on the other hand
, Some people
finding
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 teaching
skills
such
 as critical thinking,coding ,communication and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 for getting a job
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
essential to be considered
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools
. It can't
be deny
Change the verb form
be denied
show examples
 that learning
skills
 for employment is important and can provide immediate value in the workplace. Many
skills
 are required nowadays in the practical field that are more valuable than traditional education
such
 as coding, computer
skills
, communication
skills
,
leadership
Correct word choice
and leadership
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of jobs depend on
skills
 rather than traditional
subjects
such
 as graphic
designs
Fix the agreement mistake
design
show examples
, chef, photographer and craftsmen that require creativity and hands-on experience. In conclusion, it is equally important to integrate practical
skills
 with traditional learning which
prepare
Correct subject-verb agreement
prepares
show examples
students
 for the demands of
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 workplace.
This
 can combine between the two sides and make
students
 more competitive.
While
 traditional contribute a deep understanding of the world, the
skills
 provide them with essential
requires
Replace the word
requirements
show examples
 for job markets.
Submitted by monahhj123 on

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task achievement
Consider providing a more definitive stance in your introduction to set a clearer premise for your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a well-defined introduction and conclusion. Your conclusion seemed more affirming than your introduction, aim for a balance.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to substantiate your arguments. While you did mention areas in which practical skills are important, offering real-world scenarios or statistics could strengthen your point.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each discussing a distinct idea or argument, to improve the essay's logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases or words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the flow of the essay.
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