some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and age together. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Some
people
believe that music
is a better way to connect people
all around the world. Some bands have lot
of popularity and their Change the article
a lot
songs
have emotional
connection with the Add an article
an emotional
people
.Therefore
,I completely agree that because of music
people
can come together and can
create a fanbase for their Verb problem
apply
favourite
singer.
Firstly
,music
related
to emotion.All over the world,Add a missing verb
is related
people
have sad sotires
or Correct your spelling
stories
satires
love
stories,which is why they feel connected to songs
without having cultural and age similarity
.In Fix the agreement mistake
similarities
another words
,sad Replace the adjective
another word
other words
songs
or love
songs
can make people
emotional due to
this
reason they feel connected to that
Change the determiner
that song
those songs
songs
as well as
singer
Fix the agreement mistake
singers
Rephrase
apply
also
.For instance
,Taylor Swift has a great fanbase because her songs
mainly focus on emotion and love
, which is why people
can feel connection
.
Add an article
a connection
the connection
Secondly
,music
can bring people
form
Correct your spelling
from
diiferent countires
and different cultures Correct your spelling
different countries
because
of Rephrase
together because
same
Correct article usage
the same
songs
taste.Fix the agreement mistake
song
Songs
have variety like pop songs
,band songs
and
Correct word choice
apply
love
songs
etc due to
the fact that people
create fan groups without having same
culture.Change the article
the same
Additionally
,they meet each other and enjoy their favourite
singer
live concert,which is why they create Change noun form
singer's
brotherhood
.Correct article usage
a brotherhood
For example
,Nowadays a Korean band named BTS is very popular and people
around the world create a fanbase which is called ARMY.They meet on a regular basis and enjoy their favourite
band concert.
In conclusion,emotional attachment and favourite
genre songs
have a great impact for
bringing Change preposition
on
people
around the globe having no cultural similarity
and Fix the agreement mistake
similarities
having
Wrong verb form
have
language
barrier. Add an article
a language
Music
is the strong path to build Correct article usage
a wroldwide
wroldwide
community.Correct your spelling
worldwide
Submitted by ashraftaukir on
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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. It’s important to present a balanced view if the prompt asks to what extent you agree or disagree. Consider mentioning why some might hold a different opinion and why you still hold your belief.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the importance of coherence and cohesion with a logical flow and relevant examples. To further improve, pay closer attention to paragraph structuring. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that indicates what the paragraph will discuss. Then, follow this with supporting sentences and a concluding sentence that wraps up the paragraph’s main idea.
Task Achievement
Your essay successfully uses examples to support your points which strengthens your argument. However, to take your task response to the next level, expand on your examples by explaining how they specifically illustrate your point and why they are significant. Also, try to include a more varied range of sentence structures to showcase your language skills.
General
Be cautious of spelling and grammar errors as they can hinder the clarity of your message. Regularly practicing writing and getting feedback can help identify common mistakes to focus on. Additionally, expanding your vocabulary to include more specific and varied language will enhance your writing across all criteria.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.