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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

E. Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#e #say #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level
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People often claim that extra-curricular
activities
Use synonyms
 namely: music, art, and drama are just as crucial as other subjects. I agree, as these
activities
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 bring out children's creativity at a very young age and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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also
Linking Words
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 in breaking the monotony of other school subjects. Children taking part in music, art, and drama more often than others have a chance to explore their creative itch.
This
Linking Words
 creativity can be channeled into their school subjects
,
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apply
show examples
 so that they can even score better.
For example
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, in
India
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India,
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 a study conducted with children who attended
activities
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 which ensured they explored their avenues,
suprisingly
Correct your spelling
surprisingly
 scored better in their tests than the students who didn't attend. Whilst these
activities
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 explore a child's mind, it is
also
Linking Words
 necessary that they provide a pause or more importantly an outlet where a child's stress can be released and these are perfect for reducing stress and
also
Linking Words
 in their ability to quickly refresh a child's brain.
For instance
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,
painting
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the painting
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 was added as
extra
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an extra
the extra
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 class for high school students to break their stressful day, and give them an hour of free time to express themselves through art,
this
Linking Words
 enabled those students to
recoperate
Correct your spelling
recuperate
 quickly and concentrate on their exams. In conclusion, these
activities
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 provide a
much needed
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much-needed
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 break to
student
Add an article
the student
a student
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 but
also
Linking Words
 provide an outlet where they can express their creativity.
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task achievement
Work on expanding your ideas by incorporating a wider range of examples and elaborating more on the ones you've provided. Doing so would strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Strive to present your arguments in a more structured manner, ensuring that each main point is directly tied to your overall opinion. A more organized approach will enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Try to avoid general statements that are not backed up by specific examples or explanations. Specificity will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a variety of linking words and phrases to help your essay flow better. This will improve the cohesion element of your writing, making it easier for the reader to understand the connections between your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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