E. Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#e #say #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level

People often claim that extra-curricular

activities

namely: music, art, and drama are just as crucial as other subjects. I agree, as these

activities

bring out children's creativity at a very young age and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

also

helps

Correct subject-verb agreement

help

show examples

in breaking the monotony of other school subjects. Children taking part in music, art, and drama more often than others have a chance to explore their creative itch.

This

creativity can be channeled into their school subjects

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

so that they can even score better.

For example

, in

India

Add a comma

India,

show examples

a study conducted with children who attended

activities

which ensured they explored their avenues,

suprisingly

Correct your spelling

surprisingly

scored better in their tests than the students who didn't attend. Whilst these

activities

explore a child's mind, it is

also

necessary that they provide a pause or more importantly an outlet where a child's stress can be released and these are perfect for reducing stress and

also

in their ability to quickly refresh a child's brain.

For instance

painting

Add an article

the painting

show examples

was added as

extra

Add an article

an extra

the extra

show examples

class for high school students to break their stressful day, and give them an hour of free time to express themselves through art,

this

enabled those students to

recoperate

Correct your spelling

recuperate

quickly and concentrate on their exams. In conclusion, these

activities

provide a

much needed

Add a hyphen

much-needed

show examples

break to

student

Add an article

the student

a student

show examples

but

also

provide an outlet where they can express their creativity.

Submitted by duttpavan on Wed Feb 28 2024

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Work on expanding your ideas by incorporating a wider range of examples and elaborating more on the ones you've provided. Doing so would strengthen your argument further.

coherence cohesion

Strive to present your arguments in a more structured manner, ensuring that each main point is directly tied to your overall opinion. A more organized approach will enhance the coherence of your essay.

task achievement

Try to avoid general statements that are not backed up by specific examples or explanations. Specificity will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.

coherence cohesion

Consider using a variety of linking words and phrases to help your essay flow better. This will improve the cohesion element of your writing, making it easier for the reader to understand the connections between your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

220 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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E. Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Due to globalization, many countries lose their traditions and national values. Some people think it is the responsibility of governments to protect these values. Do you agree or disagree?

Should the government fund the education and healthcare system? What is your opinion?

İn many countries, the tradition of having family meals together is disappearing. Why is happening? What will the effects of this be on the family and society?

With the increasing number of people in cities most don't know their neighbours and the sense of community e is lost what is causing this how can we will turn it around