IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In some places old age is valued , while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#places #age #cultures #youth
It is argued that in many places ancient age is still necessary,
whereas
 some people say new building is rated more important.
This
 writer will give both sides of that idea and my point of view. The
most factor
Correct word choice
greatest
show examples
 advantage of the ancient places is their historical value about the long development process from the previous. The reason is there are many majestic beauties old towers
such
 as the Buddha pagoda in India, the sky gate in free fire and Double Bridge in the USA.
Moreover
, the religious value of that location is
also
 an icon of the high development of the process.
On the other hand
, the latest building is extremely state of the art and modern at present.
This
 is to increase
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the economic
as well as
 financial economy of the countries.
Furthermore
, the new tower
also
 attracts tourists from everyone from all over the world. To be honest, historical places are still iconic of attractive
tourists
Change preposition
to tourists
show examples
. Because of the unforgettable memory that local people live with it for a long time.
Therefore
, the ancient place is still an important thing in the city to colour city. In conclusion, the ancient tower and modern buildings have the advantage for the city.
However
, the old building is damaged. we should keep it clean and develop it.

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to directly address the question by discussing both views on old age and youth's importance, rather than focusing solely on buildings. Your essay should reflect a balanced discussion of both perspectives before stating your opinion.
Task Achievement
Focus on developing your ideas more comprehensively by providing specific examples and explanations that directly relate to the importance of old age and youth. Avoid deviating from the topic by discussing irrelevant subjects such as modern buildings unless you can directly link them to the essay's theme.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or further analysis. Use transitional phrases to improve the flow between sections.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are distinct and effectively frame your essay. The introduction should clearly state what you are going to discuss, while your conclusion should succinctly summarize your arguments and state your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly and logically. Be mindful of paragraph structure, ensuring each has a clear central idea and follows logically from the one before.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
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