IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
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Media is now everywhere. They try to cover everything even if it does not contribute anything positive to society.
Hence
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, Many people consider that celebrities being covered influence the children in a detrimental way. I personally agree with
this
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 notion because they affect the children's concentration
as well as
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 their thinking abilities. The foremost reason why I believe that news coverage of film stars affects teenagers is that students often indulge themselves in following their favourite personalities throughout their day rather than focusing on their studies.
For example
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, they follow them on social networking sites and turn on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
notifications to get the latest
update
Fix the agreement mistake
updates
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 about their
favourite
Correct word choice
loved
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 ones' lives which ultimately
disturb
Correct subject-verb agreement
disturbs
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 them during their study time.
Moreover
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, they skip their extra activities classes which could facilitate their critical thinking and physical health just to watch their most-liked stars' gossip programs or movies.
In addition
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, offsprings like to spend a huge amount of money in order to copy their influencers' styles
instead
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 of buying books.
For instance
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, they like to have the same clothes and hairstyles at any cost.
Furthermore
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, in worse situations, they even tell a lie to their parents about their expenditures. In conclusion, I definitely agree that superstars' coverage by the media impacts
the
Correct article usage
apply
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students in a bad way because they often spend their valuable time watching their favourite stars' programs or gossiping
instead
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 of paying attention to their studies.
Besides
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, it
also
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 influences their
money spending
Add a hyphen
money-spending
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 behaviour.
As a result
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, I strongly believe that teenagers
instead
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 should be encouraged to watch scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 which would help them with their studies and
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by varmaib1 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea which is developed and expanded with explanations or examples. Your essay does a good job of this, but aiming for even clearer connections between your ideas and examples can strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to add complexity and interest to your writing. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
task achievement
For better task achievement, it's important to address the prompt directly and thoroughly. Your essay does a good job of this by agreeing with the notion and providing supporting arguments. However, consider exploring counterarguments or discussing the topic from multiple perspectives to provide a well-rounded response.
task achievement
Incorporate more detailed and specific examples to support your points. While you've provided some examples, add more depth or additional examples to strengthen your argument and provide a clearer illustration of your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion by considering both sides of the argument, even if you agree or disagree strongly with the statement. This creates a more nuanced and persuasive essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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