IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

People are now living longer than before, an aging population means that there are more elderly people than ever. Many people are calling for the building of more geriatric homes while others oppose the idea. Give the advantages and disadvantages of building more geriatric homes for the elderly.

#people #population #homes #idea
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
geriartric
Correct your spelling
geriatric
homes
 are very wild spread across the world. Some
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 put their elderly relatives in geriatric
homes
,
while
 others are totally
againt
Correct your spelling
against
 it.
This
 essay will include both points of view. Geriatric
homes
 have a multitude of demerits.
First,
old people in them tend to feel neglected and isolated. Another factor
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that they can be extremely expensive for some
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
.
Also
, the isolation and loneliness they feel can unfortunately result in developing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mild depression.
This
 means that their mental state would start deteriorating
instead
 of getting better.
Finally
, they find themselves in an
unfamilliar
Correct your spelling
unfamiliar
 environment.
On the other hand
, there are
also
 many positive aspects to building geriatric
homes
. Starting with the fact that they provide the elderly with the best health care.
Also
, there are plenty of fun activities they can enjoy doing. Another aspect
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that they would be accompanied by peers. They
also
 would be safe from any household accidents.
Finally
, building more geriatric
homes
 would be more suitable for people with no living relatives. In conclusion, building these geriatric
homes
 can have many advantages, but that
doesnt
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 mean that they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have disadvantages as well.
Submitted by alfred on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Clarity
Ensure clarity in your introduction by directly addressing the topic and clearly stating your position. Consider stating both the advantages and disadvantages briefly.
Balanced Argument
Aim for a more balanced discussion by dedicating equal depth and development to both sides of the argument. Include more specific examples to solidify your points.
Effective Transitions
Enhance the organization of your essay by using transition words effectively between paragraphs and within them to show the relationship between ideas.
Grammar & Spelling Accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to avoid minor errors that can detract from the overall quality of your essay. Consider revising phrases for accuracy.
Stronger Conclusion
Work on developing your conclusion by summarizing the key points of the essay. A stronger conclusion reinforces your argument and provides a clear closing thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: