Studies have suggested that children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things?

#studies #children #television #time #measures

There has been a trend suggested by studies that

children

spend more hours watching

rather than

implement

Wrong verb form

implementing

show examples

active and creative

activities

This

phenomenon can be ascribed to several factors and some solutions should be proposed to stimulate them to engage in more positive things. There are two main reasons which can be considered to be a factor

contribution

Replace the word

contributing

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

these issues.

Firstly

, in modern life, most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

parents are so extremely busy

for

Change preposition

with

show examples

their

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

that they don’t have enough extra attention for their

children

. Apparently,

this

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

children

can watch

Wrong verb form

watching

show examples

for a long

time

, which can not be

controled

Correct your spelling

controlled

by their

parent

Fix the agreement mistake

parents

show examples

Secondly

, After a period of

time

keeping watch on

children

can not arrange their

time

to engage in other indoor and outdoor

activities

including

doing

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

exercise, travelling and voluntary work.

This

can lead to

children

can get

Verb problem

becoming

show examples

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

easily.

As a consequence

, the less

time

children

spend

Change preposition

apply

show examples

doing exercise, the more overweight they are. A number of strong measures must be implemented to tackle the issue.

First,

parents should restrict the amount of

time

that a child can watch

and spend more

time

with them. Together they could engage in outdoor

activities

For

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

parents and

children

could play football or badminton at

weekend

Correct article usage

the weekend

show examples

to help

children

Verb problem

apply

show examples

get away from the television.

Second,

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

should not only focus on academic

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

but

also

extracurricular

Change preposition

on extracurricular

show examples

activities

to help

children

develop comprehensively. In conclusion, the growth in watching television among

children

can be a result of busy family schedules and the fear of the outdoor world, and some changes in family habits could encourage

children

to spend more

time

in active and creative things.

Submitted by dohuyhoang on Wed Feb 28 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

To enhance your essay, focus on logically structuring your paragraph. Begin with a clear topic sentence, follow with supporting details, and conclude with a decisive sentence. This will enhance the logical flow and better engage the reader.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be made stronger. Ensure your introduction clearly previews the topics you will discuss, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points without introducing new information.

Task Achievement

Incorporate more specific examples to support your ideas. This adds depth to your argument, making it more persuasive. Examples should be relevant and detailed, directly supporting the point you're making in each paragraph.

Task Achievement

Strive for a more complete response to the prompt by addressing all aspects of the question effectively. Ensure that your essay covers not only reasons but also proposed measures in detail. Expanding on each point with examples or further explanation will strengthen your argument.

Task Achievement

Ensure clarity in your ideas by precisely stating them. Avoid ambiguity and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea that is clearly expressed. This will improve the comprehensiveness of your response.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Studies have suggested that children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things?

Scientists have been warning for many years that to protect the environment, we have to limit the use of energy in a daily lives. Despite warning many people do not attention to this. What are the reasons for this and how can people be encouraged to save the environment?

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the benefits of homeschooling outweigh its drawbacks?