Studies have suggested that children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things?

There has been a trend suggested by studies that
children
spend more hours watching
TV
rather than
implement
Wrong verb form
implementing
show examples
active and creative
activities
.
This
phenomenon can be ascribed to several factors and some solutions should be proposed to stimulate them to engage in more positive things. There are two main reasons which can be considered to be a factor
contribution
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contributing
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
these issues.
Firstly
, in modern life, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parents are so extremely busy
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
that they don’t have enough extra attention for their
children
. Apparently,
this
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
in
children
can watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
TV
for a long
time
, which can not be
controled
Correct your spelling
controlled
by their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
.
Secondly
, After a period of
time
keeping watch on
TV
,
children
can not arrange their
time
to engage in other indoor and outdoor
activities
including
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise, travelling and voluntary work.
This
can lead to
children
can get
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
obesity
Replace the word
obese
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easily.
As a consequence
, the less
time
children
spend
on
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apply
show examples
doing exercise, the more overweight they are. A number of strong measures must be implemented to tackle the issue.
First,
parents should restrict the amount of
time
that a child can watch
TV
and spend more
time
with them. Together they could engage in outdoor
activities
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
parents and
children
could play football or badminton at
weekend
Correct article usage
the weekend
show examples
to help
children
to
Verb problem
apply
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get away from the television.
Second,
school
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schools
show examples
should not only focus on academic
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
but
also
extracurricular
Change preposition
on extracurricular
show examples
activities
to help
children
develop comprehensively. In conclusion, the growth in watching television among
children
can be a result of busy family schedules and the fear of the outdoor world, and some changes in family habits could encourage
children
to spend more
time
in active and creative things.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be made stronger. Ensure your introduction clearly previews the topics you will discuss, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points without introducing new information.
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