Some people move to other countries when they retire. Others think that it is better to retire in their home country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples.
It is true that elderly people like to take rest when they
getting
old. Some Wrong verb form
get
persons
migrate to other Replace the word
people
nations
in retirement
age whereas
others say that getting relax in their territory rather than other places. This
essay discusses it
both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons.
On the one hand, senior Correct pronoun usage
apply
citizens
settle in their home nations
after getting
Wrong verb form
retiring
retirement
because it assists to obtain
numerous benefits from the government Change preposition
in obtaining
as well as
their family members. This
means they should
need help and emotional support in order to live Verb problem
apply
in
a healthy and happy Change preposition
apply
life
but they move in
other Change preposition
to
nations
while
they should affect
homesickness and loneliness. Verb problem
experience
For example
, in India, old
age public spend Correct article usage
the old
theirs
entire Correct the word
their
life
in India after relieve from their work Fix the agreement mistake
lives
due to
the
government Correct article usage
apply
supports
and family bonding. Needless to say, senior Correct subject-verb agreement
support
citizens
get financial and emotional supports
from Fix the agreement mistake
support
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
nations
.
On the other hand
, old persons
migrate to other territories after getting Replace the word
people
retirement
because they spend entire
lives Correct pronoun usage
their entire
for
working and supporting their family members Change preposition
apply
by
their Change preposition
with
hardwork
, so they can visit other Correct your spelling
hard work
nations
and settle in another
Replace the adjective
another nation
other nations
nations
while
using the
advanced medical treatment and elder care Correct article usage
apply
such
as pension amount. For instance
, in
Australia allocates more funds for elder care in their annual budget, not only Change preposition
apply
their
Change preposition
to their
citizens
but also
other
country residents, Change preposition
to other
therefore
, numerous Sri Lankans move to Australia for getting
older schemes. Change preposition
to get
In other words
, older generations have a chance to visiting
new places and Wrong verb form
visit
using
elder Wrong verb form
use
supports
when they move to another nation.
Fix the agreement mistake
support
To conclude
, although
getting financial and emotional supports
from the Fix the agreement mistake
support
authority
and family members in own Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
lead
to living a happy and healthy Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
life
, elder care and visiting new places can less
to be in a safe Correct your spelling
lead
life
. However
, in my opinion, about this
, I completely agree with
that senior Change preposition
apply
citizens
live in their countries after retirement
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader on your stance regarding the topic at the outset.
task achievement
Expand on your viewpoints with more detailed examples to strengthen your argument and make your position clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Work on transitioning smoothly between paragraphs and ideas to improve the flow of your essay. Consider using more cohesive devices such as 'furthermore', 'however', 'moreover', etc.
coherence and cohesion
Revise the structure of your essay to ensure it has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in maintaining logical progression throughout the text.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid broad generalizations and ensure your examples are specific and directly support your main points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.