Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays,
due to
technology booming, most of
Change preposition
apply
the
juniors are interested in using smartphones for Correct article usage
apply
its
wide variety of functions. These kinds of gadgets bring innumerable Correct pronoun usage
their
merits
for the
Correct article usage
apply
children
. However
, it can have some irreversible negative impacts on youngsters. In my opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
it`s
positive effects can easily overcome Correct your spelling
its
on
its drawbacks.
On the one hand, some experts state benefits of Change preposition
apply
this
new era technology
are worth it Change preposition
of technology
due to
its convenience on
entertainment. Change preposition
in
In other words
, vast
number of young people use it to play some Change the article
a vast
the vast
videogames
on its screen. Correct your spelling
video games
Whereas
, they had to play the videogames on their computer in the past which was sometimes not accessible for them in the past. As a result
, they can have better spirit whenever they don’t have any option to keep them mentally fresh. Moreover
, it can bring some merits
for the children
`s educational program. To illustrate that, children
can connect to their teacher to keep in touch with them. While
, before the smartphone invention, their contact with their children
was constrained to some limited hours. For example
, according to
the figures, primary school pupils can learn their lessons better than their peers who cannot access to
these gadgets.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, it can have negative consequences on children
`s health. These gadgets are extremely addictive. By playing these mobiles overtime
, Correct your spelling
over time
children
will become lazy and they won`t willing
to do sports. Add a missing verb
be willing
As a result
, their body will be out of shape which can be so harmful for
their health. Change the preposition
to
As a result
, most of the addicted children
to the
smartphones wear Correct article usage
apply
the
glasses compared with other kids.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
apply
due to
the advantages of the smartphones such
as its
Correct pronoun usage
their
comfortably
Replace the word
comfort
on
Change preposition
in
its
entertainment options and Correct pronoun usage
their
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
education
Replace the word
educational
merits
, in my opinion, the merits
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
its
disadvantages easily. But kids should consider not to overuse them to prevent Correct pronoun usage
their
its
dangerous side effects like mobile addiction.Correct pronoun usage
their
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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, try to directly address all parts of the task more explicitly. Ensure your opinion is clear throughout the essay, and cover both the reasons for the trend and its implications comprehensively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on providing clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to immediately convey the main idea. This clarity at the start will strengthen the logical flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices and synonyms to avoid repetitiveness. This will help your essay to flow more naturally and improve the reader's experience.
Task Achievement
Include more detailed examples and explanations to support your points. The use of real-life examples or statistical data can significantly enhance the authenticity and persuasive power of your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.