In some countries, only few young people go to classical music concerts or or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more
The number of
people
attending classical music
concerts
or playing musical instruments has been
decreased in many parts of the world. There are some pragmatic reasons why a decrease in Unnecessary verb
apply
the
visitor numbers ensues and some of the benefits which Correct article usage
apply
young
generation can invariably take advantage Correct article usage
the young
from
.
It is not uncommon Change preposition
of
seeing
fewer individuals, especially young Wrong verb form
to see
people
, being fascinated by the idea of going classical
venues or playing classical instruments. Change preposition
to classical
This
is mainly because, with the wide options of recreational places
ranging from cinemas, Correct word choice
and departments
departments
stores to restaurants, which Change the noun form
department
is
offered by the modern world, Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
find worthless
and tedious in some regards Correct pronoun usage
it worthless
attending
Verb problem
apply
such
places
. Once being aware of places
that make room for young people
to spend their time in a more intriguing way as well as
being engaged in intrusive actions as opposed to remaining calmness
and Replace the word
calm
tranquility
which are required by some Change the spelling
tranquillity
places
where the
classical Correct article usage
apply
music
takes place, classical concerts
has been less ubiquitous in terms of attendance. As well as
the increased interest for
amusement centres, being driven by modern life, where everyone is resorting to work, meanwhile being under Change preposition
in
ever rising
pressure of monotonous life, time for going to Add a hyphen
ever-rising
such
places
or playing classical interments is more likely hard to be squandered on. This
is, young people
are compelled to compete against each other in order to bring the best out of themselves. Having been forced to study for becoming
a prosperous member of society, young Change preposition
to become
people
find it difficult to allocate time for places
where classical music
takes place.
The idea of providing support, by rising
the interest of individuals to go to Correct your spelling
raising
such
places
is instrumental. This
is significantly important because while
going to classical music
concerts
, the horizon of people
can be broadened. The more people
listen to classical music
, the more they will be able to cultivate the
sense of altruism and compassion. By impeding Correct article usage
a
this
ill-interest
towards classical Correct your spelling
ill interest
music
, can people
prevent the slippery slope lack
of care and community. Change preposition
of lack
In contrast
, if people
are not encouraged to visit such
places
, having relentless
desire to go to only Add an article
a relentless
the relentless
places
other than concerts
, people
would, in turn, self-centred
and uncooperative.
In conclusion, the reasons for Add a missing verb
be self-centred
this
ill-interest towards classical concerts
can be attributed to two factors, including being busy with drudgery work and the introduction of more modern and amusing facilities for young
generation. Correct article usage
the young
However
, it is of significance to stimulate the passion of people
for going to classical concerts
seeing as it can open up their mindset, making them a wealth of knowledge.Submitted by muhammadrizoabduxalimov017 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that indicates what the paragraph will be about.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points by adding more specific examples and explanations. Your essay would benefit from detailed examples that illustrate the reasons behind the decrease in interest towards classical music and the benefits of engaging with it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the structure and flow of your ideas to make your essay more logical and easier to follow. Each paragraph should logically flow to the next with appropriate transition words or phrases.
Task Achievement
Improve the task response by addressing both parts of the question thoroughly. Make sure to explain why the trend is occurring and discuss in detail whether young people should be encouraged to attend and learn more about classical music.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite