IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Crimes committed by teenagers are increasing. Discuss this issue. Give reasons and suggest some solutions.

#crimes #teenagers
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The number of crimes committed by
teenagers
Use synonyms
 is rising.
This
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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case
appear
Correct subject-verb agreement
appears
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 because of
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
supervision
Use synonyms
 from
parents
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 to
children
Use synonyms
. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem
parents
Use synonyms
 and schools must work together to regulate and direct
teenagers
Use synonyms
' interactions. The biggest reason why juvenile crime cases are increasing is
due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
supervision
Use synonyms
 from
parents
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.
Parents
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 do not provide
supervision
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 over how
children
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 socialize around the house, family and
school
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.
Parents
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 do not monitor who their
children
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 hang out with and to what extent their
children
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 socialize.
Lack
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 of
supervision
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 results in
teenagers
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 having the wrong social groups and trying to commit crimes out of curiosity during their transition to adulthood.
for example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 from broken
home
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 families do not get enough love or attention from their
parents
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 at
home
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, so they try to seek attention outside the
home
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 in the wrong ways because they are not taught
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
home
Use synonyms
 that the actions they do are wrong and hurt other people. The best way to overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem is for
parents
Use synonyms
 and the
school
Use synonyms
 where their students are to work together to regulate and direct the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and relationships of
teenagers
Use synonyms
.
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching and regulating their social ways will really help
children
Use synonyms
 to commit juvenile crimes in their transition period.
for example
Linking Words
, schools in Indonesia provide
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 lessons by discussing bullying so that
children
Use synonyms
 know it is a bad thing. The
school
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 provides real examples of what bullying is like so that
children
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 are aware that no matter how small it is, hurting their friends is a dangerous criminal act. In conclusion, the increase in juvenile crime cases is
due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of attention from
parents
Use synonyms
 as the first educational institution for
children
Use synonyms
. To overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem,
parents
Use synonyms
 must work
together with
Linking Words
 the
school
Use synonyms
 to regulate the attitudes and relationships of their
teenagers
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure a clear introduction that outlines the discussion points. Your introduction could be more specific in stating the main reasons and potential solutions.
Supported Main Points
Develop each paragraph with a single idea, supported by specific examples or further explanation. While you provided examples, focusing on developing these with more detail could strengthen your argument.
Logical Structure
Use a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your ideas. While you've used some, increasing their variety and accuracy can enhance readability.
Complete Response
Try to cover the topic in a balanced manner by allotting equal parts of the essay to both the reasons behind teenage crimes and the suggested solutions. This allows for a more thorough exploration of the issue at hand.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Ensure clarity in presenting your ideas by structuring your paragraphs effectively. One way to do this is to start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by explanations or examples.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Where possible, incorporate real-life statistics or studies to support your arguments. This provides a stronger basis for your examples and makes your essay more persuasive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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