Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some would argue that it is necessary for the government to give financial aid to artists,
while
others believe that this
money should be used on other projects. While
funding artists helps
in the cultural preservation of the country, I believe that the state should redistribute the Change the verb form
help
funds
to education.
On the one hand, government spending on painters and sculptors is usually based on the belief that arts help with the cultural preservation of the country. However
, the materials used in artistic expression are expensive. Supporting them ensures that the tradition, heritage and uniqueness of the community are kept alive. For instance
, most provinces in the Philippines have festivals in order to celebrate their traditions and the local officials provide the funds
. Without their help, these events will not happen. However
, I believe that this
is not the best way to spend the taxpayer's money.
On the other hand
, government officials should redistribute the funds
to improve the educational system of the nation. Lack of education is a huge problem in society and it has led to other issues such
as unemployment. Redistribution of wealth to improve the educational system can help decrease the educational gap in rich countries. For instance
, they can put more budget into building science and computer laboratories in public schools. By doing this
, students will be more globally competitive. Thus
, I believe that it is more worthwhile for the state to spend money on improving the literacy rate of the citizens.
In conclusion, although
helping those who are working in the arts can help preserve the culture of the nation, there are more serious issues in society that need to be addressed. Thus
, I believe that funding the education of people is the best way to utilize public funds
.Submitted by yoko.onerom on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a logical structure and flow from introduction, through body paragraphs, to conclusion. However, aim to vary your linking phrases more to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, stating your position effectively. Try to make your conclusion more robust by summarizing both views before stating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay supports main points with relevant examples and a clear line of reasoning. Consider adding more detailed examples or personal experiences to further strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You've addressed the task by discussing both views and providing your own opinion. To score higher, ensure that your opinion is consistently clear throughout the essay, not only in the conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas. To improve, work on expanding your ideas more evenly. Make sure the discussion on education matches the depth of your discussion on support for artists.
task achievement
You've used relevant examples to support your points. For a higher score, integrate these examples more thoroughly into your argument, showing clearly how they support your stance.