IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #interaction #people #society
In the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
past few years, direct
communication
 has been substituted with online
interaction
 among individuals around the world by the emergence of social media platforms. Despite its major drawback
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
time
-consumed
response
, the arrival
online
Change preposition
of online
show examples
interaction
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality to interact with each other.
Thus
, I think the benefit far outweighs the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
. Initiated by the weakness of online
interaction
, the foremost one may be the longer
time
 to respond. Even though it is already equipped with several features that can connect
people
 in different areas, it is inevitable that the online
communication
 process will take
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
time
, and the major cause of
this
 issue is the
time
-zone difference.
For instance
, during my application process to Columbia University, I was required to send a confirmation email regarding the application fee. Given the circumstances that Indonesia and Columbia have more than a
twelve hour
Add a hyphen
twelve-hour
show examples
time
 difference, I have to wake up at midnight Indonesian
time
 and wait for their
response
 on the following two days.
However
, I think the issue is not a big deal anymore because the problem has been addressed with the emergence of quick-automatic
response
 systems, or artificial intelligence (AI). Despite the numerous advantages offered by hybrid
communication
, the most prominent one is equality in
communication
. In fact, using social media platforms as a medium to interact costs less since
people
 only need to buy cheap internet data and a mobile phone, compared to the direct
interaction
 that can compel
people
 to buy an expensive flight ticket.
As a result
,
people
 from every background are now able to communicate, regardless of their social status or economic conditions.
People
 in Papua,
for example
, rarely meet their other relatives on different islands since their monthly wages cannot possibly afford them a travel or flight ticket. After online platforms are introduced, they can easily call or message their relatives with zero spending. I think that benefit has a greater significance, as it makes
communication
 not restrained by socio-economic conditions.
To conclude
, the substitution in face-to-face
interaction
 may cause a great concern in the length of
time
 to deliver the
response
 or feedback,
while
 adversely
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 equal opportunity for all individuals to interact.
Nonetheless
, I believe the advantage
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 that phenomenon still outweighs the
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
disadvantages.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity and focus in each paragraph. Each main point should be clearly stated and directly related to the question from the start.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas. Use a wider range of cohesive devices (such as however, therefore, moreover) effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with grammar and spelling. Even minor errors can distract and could potentially confuse the reader, affecting the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Enhance your task response by fully addressing the question. Discuss both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure, and explicitly state if one outweighs the other.
task achievement
Integrate more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement score by making your arguments more persuasive and grounded in reality.
task achievement
Be sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the question. Specifically, rephrase the question in your introduction and summarize your main points in your conclusion.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!