IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the
the
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apply
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past few years, direct
communication
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 has been substituted with online
interaction
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 among individuals around the world by the emergence of social media platforms. Despite its major drawback
on
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of
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 the
time
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-consumed
response
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, the arrival
online
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of online
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interaction
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provide
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provides
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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equality to interact with each other.
Thus
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, I think the benefit far outweighs the
drawback
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drawbacks
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. Initiated by the weakness of online
interaction
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, the foremost one may be the longer
time
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 to respond. Even though it is already equipped with several features that can connect
people
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 in different areas, it is inevitable that the online
communication
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 process will take
alot
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a lot
 of
time
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, and the major cause of
this
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 issue is the
time
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-zone difference.
For instance
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, during my application process to Columbia University, I was required to send a confirmation email regarding the application fee. Given the circumstances that Indonesia and Columbia have more than a
twelve hour
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twelve-hour
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time
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 difference, I have to wake up at midnight Indonesian
time
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 and wait for their
response
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 on the following two days.
However
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, I think the issue is not a big deal anymore because the problem has been addressed with the emergence of quick-automatic
response
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 systems, or artificial intelligence (AI). Despite the numerous advantages offered by hybrid
communication
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, the most prominent one is equality in
communication
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. In fact, using social media platforms as a medium to interact costs less since
people
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 only need to buy cheap internet data and a mobile phone, compared to the direct
interaction
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 that can compel
people
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 to buy an expensive flight ticket.
As a result
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,
people
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 from every background are now able to communicate, regardless of their social status or economic conditions.
People
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 in Papua,
for example
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, rarely meet their other relatives on different islands since their monthly wages cannot possibly afford them a travel or flight ticket. After online platforms are introduced, they can easily call or message their relatives with zero spending. I think that benefit has a greater significance, as it makes
communication
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 not restrained by socio-economic conditions.
To conclude
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, the substitution in face-to-face
interaction
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 may cause a great concern in the length of
time
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 to deliver the
response
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 or feedback,
while
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 adversely
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
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 equal opportunity for all individuals to interact.
Nonetheless
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, I believe the advantage
from
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of
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 that phenomenon still outweighs the
given
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apply
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disadvantages.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity and focus in each paragraph. Each main point should be clearly stated and directly related to the question from the start.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas. Use a wider range of cohesive devices (such as however, therefore, moreover) effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with grammar and spelling. Even minor errors can distract and could potentially confuse the reader, affecting the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Enhance your task response by fully addressing the question. Discuss both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure, and explicitly state if one outweighs the other.
task achievement
Integrate more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement score by making your arguments more persuasive and grounded in reality.
task achievement
Be sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the question. Specifically, rephrase the question in your introduction and summarize your main points in your conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interaction
  • geographical barriers
  • global community
  • cultural diversity
  • economic opportunities
  • superficial interactions
  • mental health impact
  • loneliness
  • depression
  • interpersonal relationships
  • real world
  • spread of misinformation
  • echo chambers
  • societal polarization
  • informed citizenship
  • constant connectivity
  • maintain relationships
  • fast and efficient
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