IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Crimes committed by teenagers are increasing. Discuss this issue. Give reasons and suggest some solutions.

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This
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 is an indisputable fact that juvenile delinquency is increasing day by day. In recent times, there has been an unexpected rise in the crime rate of teenagers for several reasons. One major reason behind
this
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 increase is the irresponsible attitude of
parents
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 towards their
children
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. Mostly working
parents
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 who belong to a middle-class
society
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 often neglect their
children
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 and do not spend valuable
time
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 with them which ultimately leads towards a chaotic
society
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. In
this
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 essay, I have elucidated all important factors that are associated with
this
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 concerning matter.
Firstly
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, one of the major factors behind
this
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 social dilemma is the
set up
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set-up
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 of a dysfunctional nuclear family where
parents
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 raise their family alone. Earlier, grandparents in the family helped
parents
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 raise their
children
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 well by providing assistance with the daily chores, but now most caregivers are working and cannot spend enough
time
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 with their
children
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.
Secondly
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, most youngsters spend their alone
time
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 watching Netflix and TV which is another concerning issue in
society
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. As
children
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 usually spend the majority of
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time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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 without any supervision, they can easily get trapped in bad company and get addicted to drugs at a very early age. Most people have a conviction that a guiding figure is crucial to
instill
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instil
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 good moral values in a child. There is strong evidence which proves that most youngsters who get involved in criminal activities usually don't have a guiding figure in their early life. I concur with
this
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 statement that it is imperative for
parents
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 to teach their kids the difference between right and wrong early in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Finally
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, In my opinion, a sudden rise in the unemployment rate has
also
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 contributed towards the increase in the crime rate activity. Because many people are suffering from poverty, they lose faith in goodness and start doing illegal activities
such
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 as drugs, petty thefts and many others for survival. In conclusion, I firmly believe that juvenile delinquency is a concerning problem
for
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in
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this
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 contemporary
society
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. We can tackle
this
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 challenge by carefully addressing all issues which are discussed previously.
Parents
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 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should work closely to address
this
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 issue.
Nevertheless
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, No doubt,
parents
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 are responsible for the bad behaviour of their kids, they should
instill
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instil
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 ethical values in their kids.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, which is a strength. To enhance your score, consider adding more transition phrases between ideas and paragraphs for smoother flow and better coherence.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic, but some parts lack depth. Incorporate more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will not only deepen your analysis but also make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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