IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Crimes committed by teenagers are increasing. Discuss this issue. Give reasons and suggest some solutions.

#crimes #teenagers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
This
Linking Words
 is an indisputable fact that juvenile delinquency is increasing day by day. In recent times, there has been an unexpected rise in the crime rate of teenagers for several reasons. One major reason behind
this
Linking Words
 increase is the irresponsible attitude of
parents
Use synonyms
 towards their
children
Use synonyms
. Mostly working
parents
Use synonyms
 who belong to a middle-class
society
Use synonyms
 often neglect their
children
Use synonyms
 and do not spend valuable
time
Use synonyms
 with them which ultimately leads towards a chaotic
society
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I have elucidated all important factors that are associated with
this
Linking Words
 concerning matter.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one of the major factors behind
this
Linking Words
 social dilemma is the
set up
Correct your spelling
set-up
show examples
 of a dysfunctional nuclear family where
parents
Use synonyms
 raise their family alone. Earlier, grandparents in the family helped
parents
Use synonyms
 raise their
children
Use synonyms
 well by providing assistance with the daily chores, but now most caregivers are working and cannot spend enough
time
Use synonyms
 with their
children
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, most youngsters spend their alone
time
Use synonyms
 watching Netflix and TV which is another concerning issue in
society
Use synonyms
. As
children
Use synonyms
 usually spend the majority of
Use synonyms
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 without any supervision, they can easily get trapped in bad company and get addicted to drugs at a very early age. Most people have a conviction that a guiding figure is crucial to
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 good moral values in a child. There is strong evidence which proves that most youngsters who get involved in criminal activities usually don't have a guiding figure in their early life. I concur with
this
Linking Words
 statement that it is imperative for
parents
Use synonyms
 to teach their kids the difference between right and wrong early in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, In my opinion, a sudden rise in the unemployment rate has
also
Linking Words
 contributed towards the increase in the crime rate activity. Because many people are suffering from poverty, they lose faith in goodness and start doing illegal activities
such
Linking Words
 as drugs, petty thefts and many others for survival. In conclusion, I firmly believe that juvenile delinquency is a concerning problem
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 contemporary
society
Use synonyms
. We can tackle
this
Linking Words
 challenge by carefully addressing all issues which are discussed previously.
Parents
Use synonyms
 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should work closely to address
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, No doubt,
parents
Use synonyms
 are responsible for the bad behaviour of their kids, they should
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 ethical values in their kids.
Submitted by sb101tahirgul on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, which is a strength. To enhance your score, consider adding more transition phrases between ideas and paragraphs for smoother flow and better coherence.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic, but some parts lack depth. Incorporate more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will not only deepen your analysis but also make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: