In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?
Children
are able to get
goals if they put Verb problem
achieve
their
Change preposition
in their
effort
upmost
Correct word choice
apply
and
Correct word choice
as
it
is told by several societies. Some Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
believe this
message is a good way to raise motivation
and independence of Correct article usage
the motivation
children
, while
other people
claim that it is not good for them because sometimes the effort
betrays the result. Personally, This
essay will discuss about beneficial
and Replace the word
benefits
drawback
of giving Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
this
advice
. (harus ada positioning)
On the one hand, some people
admit that the culture of giving advice
for
Change preposition
to
children
that they can be anything with goals should by
hard work. Correct your spelling
be
This
message makes children
learn how they will be independent with their goals and also
raise
Correct subject-verb agreement
raises
motivation
to catch
their dreams. The Verb problem
achieve
children
get booster
from the message to face Add an article
a booster
the
failure and be more confident Correct article usage
apply
with
themselves. Change preposition
in
For instance
, there are many seminars in Indonesia held to provide ambition and motivation
for children
to achieve their dreams by working hard. Moreover
, the speakers of seminars said you can be anything that you want if you try hard enough.
On the other hand
, some people
believe that the advice
is not good for them. They claim children
should have a
normal Correct article usage
apply
procedure
in their Fix the agreement mistake
procedures
live
and should not face Replace the word
lives
hardwork
because sometimes the Correct your spelling
hard work
effort
betrays the result. Many children
will be depressed and lose their confidence because they have high
level of Add an article
a high
hardwork
but they can not achieve anything. Correct your spelling
hard work
For instance
, many children
in Japan decide to choose suicide because they put in a lot of hardwork
but they fail to get what they want.
In conclusion, there are both sides of the Correct your spelling
hard work
advice
from society to achieve anything that the
Correct article usage
apply
children
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
by
Change preposition
through
hardwork
. Some Correct your spelling
hard work
people
believe that it is a good
Remove the article
good advice
a piece of good advice
a bit of good advice
advice
for increasingCorrect article usage
the
motivation
and confidence of children
to get what they want. However
, some people
claim that it can harm the children
because sometimes the effort
betrays the result.Submitted by azizahqonitas on
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Language Use
Increase the variety and complexity of sentences to enhance clarity and engagement. Utilize a wide range of grammatical structures and vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition. This will enhance both coherence and cohesion, as well as task achievement.
Structure
Work on developing your introduction and conclusion more effectively. A strong introduction should clearly state your position and outline the main points you will discuss. A conclusion should succinctly summarize these points and restate your position, providing a clear closure to your argument.
Content
Integrate more specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. Examples provide evidence to your claims and make your essay more persuasive. Ensure these examples are directly linked to the question prompt and clearly illustrate the point you're trying to make.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the overall coherence by ensuring there's a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases effectively to show the connections between your ideas. This will make your essay easier to follow and understand.
Your opinion
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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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