In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

#cultures #children #massage

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Children

Use synonyms

are able to

get

Verb problem

achieve

show examples

goals if they put

their

Change preposition

in their

show examples

effort

Use synonyms

upmost

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

and

Correct word choice

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is told by several societies. Some

people

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believe

this

Linking Words

message is a good way to raise

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motivation

Correct article usage

the motivation

show examples

and independence of

children

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while

Linking Words

other

people

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claim that it is not good for them because sometimes the

effort

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betrays the result. Personally,

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss about

beneficial

Replace the word

benefits

show examples

and

drawback

Fix the agreement mistake

drawbacks

show examples

of giving

this

Linking Words

advice

Use synonyms

. (harus ada positioning) On the one hand, some

people

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admit that the culture of giving

advice

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for

Change preposition

show examples

children

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that they can be anything with goals should

Correct your spelling

show examples

hard work.

This

Linking Words

message makes

children

Use synonyms

learn how they will be independent with their goals and

also

Linking Words

raise

Correct subject-verb agreement

raises

show examples

motivation

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catch

Verb problem

achieve

show examples

their dreams. The

children

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get

booster

Add an article

a booster

show examples

from the message to face

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

failure and be more confident

with

Change preposition

show examples

themselves.

For instance

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, there are many seminars in Indonesia held to provide ambition and

motivation

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for

children

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to achieve their dreams by working hard.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the speakers of seminars said you can be anything that you want if you try hard enough.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some

people

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believe that the

advice

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is not good for them. They claim

children

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should have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

normal

procedure

Fix the agreement mistake

procedures

show examples

in their

live

Replace the word

lives

show examples

and should not face

Use synonyms

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

because sometimes the

effort

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betrays the result. Many

children

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will be depressed and lose their confidence because they have

high

Add an article

a high

show examples

level of

Use synonyms

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

but they can not achieve anything.

For instance

Linking Words

, many

children

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in Japan decide to choose suicide because they put in a lot of

Use synonyms

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

but they fail to get what they want. In conclusion, there are both sides of the

advice

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from society to achieve anything that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

Use synonyms

wanted

Wrong verb form

want

show examples

Change preposition

through

show examples

Use synonyms

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

. Some

people

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believe that it is

a good

Remove the article

good advice

a piece of good advice

a bit of good advice

show examples

advice

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for increasing

Correct article usage

the

show examples

motivation

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and confidence of

children

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to get what they want.

However

Linking Words

, some

people

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claim that it can harm the

children

Use synonyms

because sometimes the

effort

Use synonyms

betrays the result.

Submitted by azizahqonitas on Thu Feb 29 2024

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Language Use

Increase the variety and complexity of sentences to enhance clarity and engagement. Utilize a wide range of grammatical structures and vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition. This will enhance both coherence and cohesion, as well as task achievement.

Structure

Work on developing your introduction and conclusion more effectively. A strong introduction should clearly state your position and outline the main points you will discuss. A conclusion should succinctly summarize these points and restate your position, providing a clear closure to your argument.

Content

Integrate more specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. Examples provide evidence to your claims and make your essay more persuasive. Ensure these examples are directly linked to the question prompt and clearly illustrate the point you're trying to make.

Coherence & Cohesion

Improve the overall coherence by ensuring there's a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases effectively to show the connections between your ideas. This will make your essay easier to follow and understand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Encouragement
Motivation
Determination
Work Ethic
Persistence
Self-esteem
Confidence
Challenges
Unrealistic Expectations
Disappointment
Frustration
Limitations
External Factors
Pressure
Stress
Anxiety
Mental Health

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

Your opinion

Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?

Family members and friends caring for elderly people find it hard to spend enough time looking after them. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?

Do the disadvantages of global homogenization outweigh the advantages?