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Writing Samples
Band 6

The internet is probably the most significant invention of the last decades. Without it our lives would be completely different. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Over the past few decades, The
internet
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 has emerged as one of the most impactful discoveries, And without it, our lives would be drastically transformed.
This
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 essay will highlight both the benefits and drawbacks that result from
this
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 phenomenon.
To begin
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 with the positives, a crucial advantage of the
internet
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 is that it can assist
people
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 to find new information easier and faster.
People
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 can use search engines to find something that they need.
For example
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, pupils can search the materials for biology subjects without the need to visit the library.
Besides
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 the convenience of finding new information,
People
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 use the
internet
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 as a place to earn money. On the
internet
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,
people
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 can offer and sell their products to their online customers.
Nevertheless
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, the invention of the
internet
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 does present some negative things. One of the disadvantages is that many adult contents are uncensored for
children
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.
As a result
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,
Children
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 can be exposed to violent content, and the worst thing is that the
children
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 can imitate and adopt the bad attitudes.
In addition
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, Not only violent content but many cyber crimes happen on the
internet
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.
For example
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, Our private data and our digital money can be stolen by hackers. In conclusion,
although
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 the
internet
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 is beneficial in terms of the efficiency of finding information and earning money, it is
also
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 important to consider that it harms
children
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 if they discover violent content, and cybercrime can happen to their usage.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but try to make it more engaging. You could briefly mention an interesting fact about the internet.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points, especially about the benefits of the internet.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentences a bit more to improve flow and connection between ideas.
task achievement
You clearly identified the advantages and disadvantages of the internet, which helps your readers understand your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarises your main ideas, which is important in essay writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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