Some people believe that a good way to reduce crime is to have longer sentences, while others think that there are alternatives to this problem. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an intensive debate about how the best method to decrease offences.
However
, a
lot
of individuals are proposing that the guilty persons must take strong punishments
while
others are going towards
creat
Correct your spelling
creating
show examples
a substantial ways
Correct the article-noun agreement
a substantial way
substantial ways
show examples
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
l will discuss both perspectives
as well as
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
' given in the end. On one hand,
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the first group are perfect sentences required because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
crimes
committed are limiting and
people
are scared
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
punishing
Replace the word
punishment
show examples
.
Moreover
, when the person
committed
Wrong verb form
commits
show examples
crimes
and he punished
that
Correct pronoun usage
he
show examples
ought to
held
Change the form of the verb
hold
show examples
other
people
think
Fix the infinitive
to think
show examples
more before going to
committed
Replace the word
commit
show examples
crimes
.
For instance
, in the world today there are a
lot
of serious offences
such
as killing, stealing...etc.
in addition
,
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
serious conditions require a strong punishment.
Furthermore
,
people
by nature are trying to avoid a bad destiny, so by imposing
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
sentences, the proportion of
crimes
will be
reducing
Change the form of the verb
reduced
show examples
automatically.
On the other hand
, another gathering
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
that the traditional ways of combating
crimes
are not sufficient, for
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
we need to create
a new types
Correct the article-noun agreement
a new type
new types
show examples
for reducing
crimes'
Change noun form
crimes
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governmental institutions and civilian organisations must
be creating
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
a programs
Correct the article-noun agreement
programs
a program
show examples
on the various media to advise
people
. Indeed, the guilty' persons
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
do not
committed
Change the verb form
commit
show examples
a dangerous crime should
be joining
Wrong verb form
join
show examples
in the process that
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good persons in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society rather than punishing them.
Also
,
this
group says that the system of punishment
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
been applied for a long time and a
lot
of
people
still
committed
Replace the word
commit
show examples
crimes
, for
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
we need to
following
Change the verb
follow
show examples
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
system.
To conclude
,
although
a
lot
of scholars
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
to
applied
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
another ways
Replace the adjective
another way
other ways
show examples
to punish
people
,
a nother
Correct your spelling
another
show examples
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
that
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
system is the best. I agree with the first opinion because the punishment is necessary for the universal' safety.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph clearly presents one main idea with supporting details. Avoid vague statements and make sure the transition between paragraphs is smooth and logical for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion that are clear and directly address the essay question. While you have both, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and clearly states your stance for a stronger impact.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with specific examples or evidence. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more convincing. Try to find real-world examples or hypothetical situations that clearly demonstrate your point.
task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the question in a balanced way. While you discuss both views and give your opinion, strive for more depth in analyzing the views and presenting your own. Offer clear, comprehensive ideas that show understanding of the issue.
task achievement
Use a range of sentence structures and a wide vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively. Aim for clarity and precision in your writing to make your points more easily understood.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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