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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Recently, a rapid number of people, who are suffering from various diseases, do not want to consult with their usual
doctor
Use synonyms
. Though they are trying another remedy for their wellness.I,think there are many drawbacks to using non-prescribed medicines for their health.Because it causes serious infections and
also
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 reveals some side effects on their body. Some individuals are more comfortable with herbal medicines.As it is relatively cheap and easily available. But it is detrimental to them.Because these cause serious infections from their tiny issue.
For instance
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, daily normal fever may be a reason for blood cancer.
Furthermore
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,The problem from which they are suffering turns into a major disease.
Such
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 as small
tumors
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tumours
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 in any part of the body may turn into cancer without appropriate treatment. Recent analyses in hospitals have proved that more serious patients are admitted to the hospitals in their
last
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 stage of disease symptoms,as they are only dependent on the traditional curing process.
Moreover
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, unprescribed drugs have many side effects. Many people could not adjust to unnecessary supplements.
As a result
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,
besides
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 their one problem, they face lots of other problems.
For example
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 -weakness,high rate of heartbeat,rashes and so on.
Furthermore
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, other body organs become affected and disfunctioning.
Such
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as
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apply
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high doses of products may cause kidney failure. So,they have to ultimately consult with doctors,but with their more severe disease and
also
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 more loss of money.
It is clear that
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 without consulting a
doctor
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,the traditional way of treatment is more dangerous for life. In conclusion, some individuals use alternative medicines and treatments to save money
instead
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 of visiting a
doctor
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. But it slowly gave them a life-risk situation. As it is more infectious and unsafe and causes side effects, evermore sometimes may lead them to die.So,I think,it has too negative impact than It's very little positive feedback.
Thus
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,everyone should be aware and must take any supplements after consulting a
doctor
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.The government should
also
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 provide more facilities in the hospitals at a cheap rate.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider structuring your essay more clearly, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea, supported by examples or explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are distinct and clearly state your position or summary of your argument. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points with specific, relevant examples and explanations to support your argument. This helps the reader understand and be persuaded by your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Address the task directly and ensure that you answer all parts of the prompt. Make your stance clear and maintain it consistently throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas with more depth and detail, making sure to explain why you think alternative medicines can be harmful and providing evidence or examples to support your claims.
General Writing Skills
Work on grammar, punctuation, and varied sentence structures to enhance readability and cohesiveness. Avoid lengthy sentences that are hard to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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