Many people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their life, whereas others prefer to change the type of work. Discuss both sides and state your own opinion.
One
of the most conventional issues between individuals
is the type of job
. However
, more people
enjoy when they are remaining in one
job
while
others prefer to exchange their working
every period. Anyway, I will examine in Replace the word
work
this
essay, both prepectives
and give Correct your spelling
perspectives
own's
opinion on the end.
Correct pronoun usage
my own's
Firstly
, many people
prefer to stay at
Change preposition
in
one
place all their lives because this
will lead them to stability
and promotion. Without any doubt, people
in their lives seek to
Change preposition
apply
stability
which means they are having
permanent Wrong verb form
have
job
and Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
fixing
Wrong verb form
fixed
income
. Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
Furthermore
, stay
in Wrong verb form
staying
one
job
helps family
to create the best choice for their children.Add an article
the family
a family
in addition
, this
type of work also
assists individuals
for
promotion and Change preposition
in
obtains
Wrong verb form
obtaining
a
high positions. Correct article usage
apply
In contrast
, transform
from Wrong verb form
transforming
one
job
to another that
means the person must start from the beginning at every time.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
Secondly
, other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
preferred
to Wrong verb form
prefer
got
new business consistency because Wrong verb form
get
this
ought to make them acquired
experiences and preserves mental' health.Wrong verb form
acquire
clearly
, the Capitalize word
Clearly
individuals
who work in various areas and countries are gained a lot of experience unlike who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
are having
Wrong verb form
have
one
jop
. Correct your spelling
job
Besides
, another benefits
is combating Replace the adjective
benefit
the
stress and depression. Experts on Correct article usage
apply
the
mental well-being advise Correct article usage
apply
people
for changing
from Change preposition
to change
one
period to another to be healthy. In addition
, this
way makes their children knowing
more about lives in Wrong verb form
know
opposite
of the above category.
Add an article
the opposite
To sum up
, the
Correct article usage
apply
stability
in one
job
achieves financial and mental stability
whereas
changing work every time makes
Verb problem
gives
people
more experience and confidence. I agree with the initial view, but individuals
must try a
multiple jobs to Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
got
experience and Change the form of the verb
get
then
stability
in the
Correct article usage
apply
one
job
.Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear, logical structure. It's essential to use paragraphs effectively to separate your ideas. Consider starting with an introductory paragraph, followed by body paragraphs each dedicated to discussing a distinct viewpoint or argument, and concluding with a summary or conclusion that ties your thoughts together.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve your introduction and conclusion. A compelling introduction should outline the topics you plan to discuss, providing a clear direction for your essay. Your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your personal opinion in a convincing manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support your main points with clear, related examples or evidence. While you provide some arguments supporting each view, enhancing them with specific examples or more detailed explanations will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
Task Achievement
Address the task directly and ensure your response is complete. While you have attempted to discuss both sides of the issue and state your opinion, ensuring that your arguments are fully developed and clearly related to the question can help to make your position more compelling.
Task Achievement
Clearly express comprehensive ideas relevant to the topic. Work on clearly articulating your ideas—consider focusing on making each paragraph dedicated to a single idea or aspect of the argument to ensure clarity and relevance.
Task Achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. Including more real-life examples or theoretical scenarios that closely relate to your arguments can make your essay more insightful and strengthen your discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example