Many people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their life whereas others prefer to change the type of work.discuss both sides and state your own opinion.

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One
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of the most conventional issues between
individuals
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is the type of
job
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.
However
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, more
people
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enjoy when they are remaining in
one
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job
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while
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others prefer to exchange their
work
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every period. Anyway, I will examine in
this
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essay, both perspectives and give my own's opinion on the end.
Firstly
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, many
people
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prefer to stay in
one
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place all their lives because
this
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will lead them to
stability
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and promotion. Without any doubt,
people
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in their lives seek
stability
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which means they have permanent jobs and fixed incomes.
Furthermore
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, staying in
one
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job
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helps a family to create the best choice for their children.
in addition
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,
this
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type of
work
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also
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assists
individuals
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in
promotion
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the promotion
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and obtaining high positions.
In contrast
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, transforming from
one
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job
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to another means the person must start from the beginning at every time.
Secondly
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, others prefer to get new business consistency because
this
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ought to make them acquire experiences and preserves
mental'
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mental
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health. Clearly, the
individuals
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who
work
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in various areas and countries
are
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have
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gained a lot of experience unlike those who have
one
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job
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.
Besides
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, another benefit is combating stress and depression. Experts on mental well-being advise
people
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to change from
one
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period to another to be healthy.
In addition
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,
this
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way makes their children know more about lives in the opposite of the above category.
To sum up
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,
stability
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in
one
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job
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achieves financial and mental
stability
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whereas
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changing
work
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every time gives
people
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more experience and confidence. I agree with the initial view, but
individuals
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must try multiple jobs to get experience and
then
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stability
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in
one
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job
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.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear and logical organization of ideas throughout the essay. Use paragraphs effectively to distinguish between different points, and consider using transitional phrases to help the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Make sure your thesis statement in the introduction is clear, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your essay's main points and reiterates your personal stance.
coherence cohesion
While you have provided main points to support both views, they could be better supported with more detailed examples and explanations. Consider adding more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You have generally responded to the task, but make sure to address all parts of the prompt throughout your essay. Clearly state your opinion and ensure it is consistently supported throughout the essay, not just at the end.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Each paragraph should explore its main point in depth, providing clear, detailed explanations and examples that support your argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence relevant to the points you're making. This will make your essay more convincing and show a deeper understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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