IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their life whereas others prefer to change the type of work.discuss both sides and state your own opinion.

#people #type #work #life #change
One
 of the most conventional issues between
individuals
 is the type of
job
.
However
, more
people
 enjoy when they are remaining in
one
job
while
 others prefer to exchange their
work
 every period. Anyway, I will examine in
this
 essay, both perspectives and give my own's opinion on the end.
Firstly
, many
people
 prefer to stay in
one
 place all their lives because
this
 will lead them to
stability
 and promotion. Without any doubt,
people
 in their lives seek
stability
 which means they have permanent jobs and fixed incomes.
Furthermore
, staying in
one
job
 helps a family to create the best choice for their children.
in addition
,
this
 type of
work
also
 assists
individuals
 in
promotion
Add an article
the promotion
show examples
 and obtaining high positions.
In contrast
, transforming from
one
job
 to another means the person must start from the beginning at every time.
Secondly
, others prefer to get new business consistency because
this
 ought to make them acquire experiences and preserves
mental'
Correct your spelling
mental
show examples
 health. Clearly, the
individuals
 who
work
 in various areas and countries
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 gained a lot of experience unlike those who have
one
job
.
Besides
, another benefit is combating stress and depression. Experts on mental well-being advise
people
 to change from
one
 period to another to be healthy.
In addition
,
this
 way makes their children know more about lives in the opposite of the above category.
To sum up
,
stability
 in
one
job
 achieves financial and mental
stability
whereas
 changing
work
 every time gives
people
 more experience and confidence. I agree with the initial view, but
individuals
 must try multiple jobs to get experience and
then
stability
 in
one
job
.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure clear and logical organization of ideas throughout the essay. Use paragraphs effectively to distinguish between different points, and consider using transitional phrases to help the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Make sure your thesis statement in the introduction is clear, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your essay's main points and reiterates your personal stance.
coherence cohesion
While you have provided main points to support both views, they could be better supported with more detailed examples and explanations. Consider adding more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You have generally responded to the task, but make sure to address all parts of the prompt throughout your essay. Clearly state your opinion and ensure it is consistently supported throughout the essay, not just at the end.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Each paragraph should explore its main point in depth, providing clear, detailed explanations and examples that support your argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence relevant to the points you're making. This will make your essay more convincing and show a deeper understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!