IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries traditional food is being replaced by fast food. Some claim that this has negative effects on both families and societies. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #food #effects #families #societies
In the contemporary world, it is common for people to purchase fast
food
 rather than traditional
food
. I believe it is a damaging change as numerous negative effects have been discovered in recent years. One reason why traditional
food
 should not be replaced by fast
food
 is that fast
food
 will jeopardize our
health
. Convenience and speed are probably what many workers would be chasing using fast
food
.
However
, fast
food
often
Add a missing verb
is often
show examples
 high in oil and sugar, which may affect the metabolism of normal people's bodies. For some special people with chronic diseases, fast
food
 may aggravate the medical condition. If one is overly dependent on fast
food
, nothing close to
health
 and fitness
has been
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 possible. Fast
food
 may lead to a decrease in family connections.
In contrast
, traditional
food
 places more emphasis on family gatherings, which has a positive effect on
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 unit. Traditional
food
 can help with family communication during the preparation process, and it can be even more reinforcing when eating around the table, which is something that fast
food
 can't do. The increase in healthcare spending is another factor as long-term fast
food
 eating habits can lead to the occurrence of some nutrient deficiency diseases and medical expenses will increase for medical check-ups and treatments. It is conceivable that
long-term
Correct article usage
a long-term
show examples
 high-oil and high-sugar diet will take its toll on one’s
health
. In order to reduce unnecessary drug spending, we should focus on traditional foods and reduce fast
food
. In conclusion,
although
Change preposition
despite
show examples
 the convenience of fast
food
, I believe that fast
food
 will not only affect physical
health
,
weaken
Correct word choice
and weaken
show examples
 family relationships, but
also
 increase medical expenses.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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