IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree?

#societies #people #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is certainly that nowadays some
people
Use synonyms
 stay behind homeless
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 tend towards the viewpoint that the best way to help them is to give them
money
Use synonyms
, I would have to support the idea that other measures can be taken to make their lives better. On the one hand, there are clear arguments that the best way to help them is to give them
money
Use synonyms
. One of the main reasons can be that if we give
money
Use synonyms
 they can use it for
other purpose
Change the wording
another purpose
other purposes
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, they may have borrowed
money
Use synonyms
 from other
people
Use synonyms
 so they should not give
money
Use synonyms
 to them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I agree with the viewpoint that other measures can be taken to make their lives better.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I believe that it is necessary to give things to these
people
Use synonyms
 so that they do not use them for other purposes.
For instance
Linking Words
, what they need is a warm house, food,
money
Use synonyms
 and water. It would be a pity if we did not bring
such
Linking Words
 things.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 feel that to save
people
Use synonyms
 from poverty, bribery should be stopped after the burden of bribery the burden of poverty follows.
This
Linking Words
 is because will be a solution to many problems. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 wealth is the fundamental need of homeless
people
Use synonyms
, yet giving them cash will not mitigate
this
Linking Words
 housing menace. Only with the help of
well crafted
Add a hyphen
well-crafted
show examples
 programs, can
this
Linking Words
 issue be solved in the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
. Axiomatically, it is the duty of the civic body to facilitate skilled learning
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 for their homeless citizens so that they can buy homes for their families on their own.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Consider refining your essay structure by having a clearer introduction, body paragraphs that each focus on a distinct idea, and a concise conclusion that mirrors the introduction.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are more directly aligned with the essay's argument and present a succinct summary of your main points.
supported main points
Develop and support your main points with more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
complete response
Address the task more directly by clearly stating your position and elaborating on it throughout the essay. Avoid straying from the main topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive by organizing them effectively and ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points more vividly. This helps to substantiate your arguments and make them more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: