IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

in some cultures children are often told that they can achive everything if they try hard. what are the advantages and disadvantages?

In specific
societies
Add a comma
societies,
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 the younger generations are being
thought
Verb problem
taught
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 that by doing their best they can be
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 in any area that they want. Being told that by pushing hard enough for their goals and not
to give
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giving
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 up is a way that some people are choosing to
disciple
Verb problem
discipline
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 their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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.
This
Linking Words
 would certainly be a great motivator for them but it lacks the wisdom to teach them about failure. Putting an effort towards accomplishing your goals is a way that should be
thought
Verb problem
taught
show examples
Change preposition
at in
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in
Correct your spelling
an
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 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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 but it is
also
Linking Words
 important to know that in some cases there are bound to be mistakes and failures outside of anyone's control. The perks of educating individuals from childhood, that they can acquire almost everything that they put their
mind's
Change the noun form
minds
mind
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 to is vast and major. By remembering
this
Linking Words
 they can find the
strengh
Correct your spelling
strength
 to push their difficulties.
For instance
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, the famous author Charles Bukowski
,
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apply
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 was rejected by 20 different publicists by the age
54
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of 54
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 before getting
publiced
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published
publicised
 for a book but he didn'
t
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 quit. As we can see
the
Correct article usage
apply
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persistency
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persistence
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 will payoff in most situations.
Therefore
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,
this
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 will be a good lesson to learn.
On the other
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hand
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hand,
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 there is a matter of failure and
uncontrolable
Correct your spelling
uncontrollable
 situations which will eventually come up no matter the effort that was spent. Telling
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 that they didn'
t
Use synonyms
 succeed because they didn'
t
Use synonyms
 try hard enough could have devastating effects on their mental health.
For example
Linking Words
, if someone who works as an EMT or Firefighter were told
this
Linking Words
 sentence, they are more likely to suffer PTSD after not being able to save someone due
the
Change preposition
to the
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 circumstances that they were in which was out of their hand.
Hence
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, it is not always a
birilliant
Correct your spelling
brilliant
 idea to tell someone that if they try hard enough they can always be successful. It is important to know that sometimes it's better to not try too hard.
To conclude
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, teaching
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 that they have to try hard in order to become successful can be a great motivation for them to
accomplishing
Change the form of the verb
accomplish
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 their goals
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
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 their life.
Also
Linking Words
, it is as almost as important to let them know that sometimes, how hard they try, they won'
t
Use synonyms
 be able to pull off the tasks that they were given. I firmly believe that they should be told to
their
Add a missing verb
do their
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 best, no matter the
out come
Correct your spelling
outcome
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
To improve your essay, ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis. This establishes a strong foundation for your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively. For example, consider using comparison or contrast connectors to highlight differences or similarities between points.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance clarity, strive for straightforward and precise expressions. Avoid long, complex sentences that might confuse readers.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments, and make sure these examples are directly linked to the advantages and disadvantages discussed.
Task Achievement
Conclude your essay by summarizing the main points and restating your position in a clear, impactful manner. This reinforces your argument and provides closure.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure a more balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages within your essay. Each section should have a clear focus and equally developed points.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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